Talladega Prison, 2014 – What is it that truly makes us free?
When I stop and think of what really makes us free, I reflect back upon my life seeing my grandfathers, grandmothers, and the other creations. I remember what made who we are and how that all has changed just during this lifetime. I’m in a iron house as we natives call it! But I ‘m freer than most on the outside of these fences, walls, and razor wires! How, you ask?
It is my spirit and most of all my understanding of power.
How many use the word, IF every single day. If I had this, If I could only, If I didn’t do, If I was born into, If I was, If she/he only. How many if’s are in your life? when we think of this simple little word we see truly how powerful it is! We use it in saying something and we are now bringing power to reality into our life. We use it a as an excuse for our mistakes, failures, disappointments, any and every lack we feel. This little word using 2 letters we have now empowered to control our lives.
When we speak something we are in fact bringing the power of that into this world around us. We must open our minds and mouths to speak positive thoughts and beauty and create the world in which we truly want to live. By thinking negatively we bring that to us. We are therefore creating our own bad atmosphere to live in.
All my life I have always remembered to be careful what comes out my mouth, because words have power. Words use the powers of the universe by the elements that we use to give the words power. This is what I was taught when I was a small person, and it was true then as it is now.
What we all need to do is stop speaking without thinking! I love this world and all that the Creator created in it, including the people.
Okay we are all different; so is all of creation! When we hate because of the color of someone’s skin, then we hate ourselves!
When we hate because of someone’s beliefs or religion, then we hate ourselves!
When we hate because of where someone is from, we hate ourselves.
When we hate because of what someone has, then we hate ourselves.
You say, no way! Really? Well we all have the same Creator! We all were created Equal!
Oh, you say, well they have this, or they don’t have to do this? Or they don’t do this or that! Or they never have to go through this? Well the truth is we all have the same elements in us.
We all have the potential to raise ourselves up to a higher place. We all have the same brain, we all have the same body parts.
The important thing is how you actually think and believe of your own self! Don’t think because a person is taller than you that they have it better. Or don’t think that someone who you think is better looking than you really is. Don’t put anyone above you and don’t put anyone below you either. We all are one. What affects you affects everyone.
When we truly love ourselves we see the love in everyone, no matter the color, beliefs, locations, or positions in life. This is a basic fact; learn to love you so you can love everyone and make the world so much better!
So now it has been like 18 days since I quit my job and was moved here to a non-UNICOR unit, Let the Circus Begin, and just as you might expect, I wasn’t here a full 24 hours before something went haywire and boom! we were back on lockdown. This was not just any old lockdown, but a full blown federal system lockdown of all BOP facilities.
This latest round of abusive chaos was all over prisons being prisons, and gangs being gangs. See it went sorta kinda like this: Gang A doesn’t like Gang B. Gang A makes an assault on Gang B wherein a member of Gang B is killed. This in turn prompts Gang B to kill a member of Gang A and therein lies the reason the Federal Bureau of Prisons locked down 135 Federal prisons for almost 3 weeks incurring several million more in costs to you the taxpayer.
All this because a prison gang from another country gets into a prison gang fight with a prison gang from this country which leads to the death of 2 gang members. Might I add that this occurred in a penitentiary that is a maximum custody-high security facility, far higher than this medium security/low custody prison where in the 3 years I have been here I’ve seen or heard of only a handful of fights, none of which had anything to do with a gang, but I’m getting away from the point here.
The point is that all this causes everyone no matter their circumstances to have been locked in their cells 24/7 with the exception of several highly controlled 20-minute breaks to take a shower. So I have been in an unfamiliar cell, that incidentally leaks water through the walls when it rains, with a man who is 30 years younger and totally unknown to me other than his name and where he is from. Luckily, it turns out that the guy is a pretty good guy, respectful and considerate, able to read a book and not bother me, or bother me when I’m reading a book.
He is going on down the line to another jail in a few weeks and I’ll have to break in a new cell mate. This is always a pain in neck. See when you’ve gotta live in a tiny cage (for lack of better description) it’s rough enough with the best of friends and a social experiment with someone you really don’t know. Now long ago I told ya’all I was born broken. Well it seems that to some extent that is still the case because I have become so inured to being locked down that it really doesn’t even phase me anymore if I’m in the cell or able to go here or there. I know this is flawed but it is what it is and prisons were never meant to be fun. After so many decades and so many lockdowns I have become numb to it so yeah, I’m still kinda broken.
Anyway, just in case you wonder, let me walk with you thru one of these lockdowns from the beginning. First, some corrections officer yells “LOCKDOWN!!!!” Everyone jumps up and tries to rush to the ice machine or the hot water dispenser or the store man to get a little something extra just in case. Then they put you in the cell and you sit there until they say it’s over. The staff brings everything you need to the cell (kinda, sorta).
Now this is a fairly spread out compound with asphalt walkways between buildings reminiscent of a college campus. There are 8 units, not counting the special housing unit or the quarantine unit, so really there are currently 856 people in 10 units. It’s a goodly distance to the chow hall, so they have to push a rolling food cart to each unit. First they have to prepare the 856 meals in these clamshell styrofoam trays for each unit, then push the cart to the unit, thru the rain sun, snow, whatever, and it never fails, when they get the carts to the unit they do not plug the them into the wall to keep the food hot so it’s always cold. Always.
Next the officer in the unit generally gets another officer to help him pass the trays out, but first they’ve got to go cell to cell, opening the “bean slot,” the locking flap in the door that food can be passed in thru and garbage out thru. Then they come back down the tier and get to passing the food out cell by cell, one tray per man.
The best part is watching the officers have to go thru this rigamarole, especially when it’s time to feed the upper tier and they have to load these big flat pans and carry em up the stairs. So it’s quite a lot of work, and guess who doesn’t want to have to do it? Smile.
Next are the particulars, like they have to come and let men out, 3 cells at a time to take showers, a legal minimum of 3 times a week. As long as I’ve been locked down in prison it’s always been Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. Next is laundry. A couple times a week we put our dirty stuff in our laundry bags, and stuff it out the bean slot. Then it comes back the next day and they have to pass it out by cell number/bag number etc. which is also quite the chore, and yeppers, another one they would just as soon not have to mess with. Ha Ha.
Now last but definitely not least, commissary. Generally you fill out the store list of the items you want to purchase and they will bring it to the unit. The items available are always limited and they fill whatever they feel like giving you. Then the next day the officers bring it to the unit and pass it out. Now you’ve got to understand, when on lockdown the food trays they send out are never going to be enough so you need to purchase extra food to supplement what you get on the trays or you will be constantly hungry. I have been hungry before for weeks at a time. This is not good for many reasons. Living with constant hunger makes you get angry and you can’t sleep so you just want to lash out… just not a good thing for anyone. So you NEED every little extra you can get.
I take bird baths on the days I don’t get showers, that is a sink bath, with the wash cloth, hot water and body wash. I do not like to feel grimy, or like I could stink so I’m a weirdo when it comes to hygiene. That and water… In years past, I have been forced to live out of my toilet because some sadistic people thought it would be cute. In order to get any water to bathe or even to drink, it was first scrub the toilet out with soap or whatever I could get, flush, then scrub me out of it with the soap. Then I’d flush again to get a drink. Man, I’m not proud of it but I am alive!
I have been thru so much more than I have ever documented. I’m saving those stories for once I’m out because some of them a really bad. They show the full extent of both human mental strength and human capacity for cruelty towards others, but that’s not the story here so back to the article at hand. Smile. Let me promise you this, with the Creator, there is no adversity you cannot endure. This I know and I’m trying to share it with you. Believe me, the Creator and His ways are more powerful than you can ever begin to imagine.
So, we have been in the cell for a couple of weeks or so, and got some commissary and showers, then they began relaxing a bit, not a lot. The other day we were let out of our cells for 3 hours, then the next day 4 hours and as I write the entire unit has have been out in the commons area since about 7am. Tomorrow it is supposed to be back to normal operations which brings me to kinda, sorta, no not really…
Talladega Prison, November 25, 2019 – We didn’t have any good wood for our sweat on Thursday; just busted up pieces of wooden pallets. We need real firewood to heat the rocks up hot enough. I believe things happen for a reason, so there was a reason it was not hot and I accept that. But I will also try to get the chaplain to get us real firewood and quit trying to penny pinch and not provide what we need.
We had a good ceremony anyway and I’m so thankful that we were able to. For the guys to all be there always makes a good ceremony and a good day. That is why I stay so happy. Every day is new, and I am a newborn child every day I wake up. What happened yesterday is gone and what matters is I have today to live. I can’t worry about tomorrow. Only Spirit knows if I have tomorrow to live, so many people stress about tomorrow or even months ahead. This is useless; it only causes the person to have mental and physical problems.
People always ask me, don’t you think about being free. I am free spiritually every day and every moment. My spirit and my mind, no one can imprison or take away from me. I see and hear how people are outside these walls and how they live. So many are in a prison they can’t get out of more than I have ever been. Trapped by all the illusions in their life; all their worries and doubts and fears. Me, I live one day at a time and I live it the best that I can.
I know many people consider me weird or even crazy. That is their prerogative. I’m different than others; well I believe we all should be different. Same as every flower, tree, plant, fish, animal, bird and all life is, just as our personalities are different. This is what makes life so interesting and so beautiful too. Some folks seem like vampires. They suck the energy and life out those around them with their negative force. This makes people feel the ugliness. Life is beautiful, we all are beautiful, if we chose to be. I don’t have to be young or handsome to be beautiful, I am what I feel and what is in me. A reflection of my spirit and my heart.
I can be overweight, I can be bald, or have scars on my body. Still I can be beautiful. This goes for every single person. Too many folks get caught up in what society says is beautiful. Looking a certain way does not make a thing or a person beautiful. It is the spirit and heart of anything or anyone that makes it that way. So this was the lesson of our sweat. Ghost
Talladega Prison, January 8, 2019 – We had a packed house today; it was our guest week. Today’s focus was all about being humble and forgiving. So many times we forget to truly be humble and seek forgiveness for all our weaknesses and faults.
People often have a doubt in them about being worthy, forgiven, if they deserve something. I do know this, if you doubt, or think anything like that, then you haven’t let it go, haven’t forgiven yourself. And if you haven’t forgiven yourself, the doubt will always be a negative block keeping you from moving on to be all that you can be.
So many in prison have this problem. But explaining and asking for forgiveness from Spirit, from others they have wronged, and also themselves helps a person begin to heal inside. This is the same for the outside as well. So many hang on to things and all they have to do is ask forgiveness and then let it go.
Until we do, we can’t truly let go of the negative that is in us. Any tiny thing that we hang onto will fester and pollute our spirit and body. It is so necessary then, to go back as far as you can remember and cleanse your soul, body and mind of these things. We must become the child of innocence; the child of love we were born to be.
Now it is time to learn to be successful. Many people don’t know how to be successful – not in life, relationships, business or even spiritually. What happens is people usually want something they are not really prepared to strive for and sacrifice to get. We must learn to be patient, be dedicated, and able to get back up after we fail. Most important is to start small and work your way up.
Just as in anything, you must train your body, mind and spirit in all things. Many people give up and quit the first time they fail at something. Then they walk around hating themselves and others.
This is where the humbleness must come in. Everybody knows a baby must crawl before he walks and he must walk before he runs. These physics apply to everything. You don’t start power weight lifting at 600 lbs. You start at whatever you can successfully lift and build your strength and technique to achieve your goal. Yes it takes a while as everything in life does. People fail when they start trying to do more, have more, and be more than they have trained and conditioned themselves become.
In relationships, this would be like seeing someone you never saw before and saying, “Let’s get married” and thinking that this will work automatically. As we all know, a marriage is a commitment and full of compromises, of give and takes, and sacrifice. So many times people rush into marriage when they are truly not prepared. This is why there are so many divorces and broken hearts in the world. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage a success. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that marriage will work. A farmer doesn’t put a seed in the ground and expect it to be full grown the next day. The farmer must prepare the soil, and then nurture and help the seed, the sprout, the plant. Otherwise it will die. A successful marriage takes a lot more than love and too many are not humble or forgiving enough to do the work to make it a success.
This is the way all of life is. Successful living is all about experiencing and learning to develop your true humbleness and forgiveness of yourself, your failures, your weaknesses, your doubts, your fears, your ego, your desire, your lack of being prepared for living a truly successful life.
Just wanted to let everyone know that our prayers have been answered. On Tuesday, an anonymous someone with a true compassionate heart came forth and purchased a beautiful “gently used” GMC Terrain for us. This vehicle is completely paid for. Even the tag, title, taxes, registration and all were paid for. And then today another anonymous special compassionate hearted person came forward and purchased full coverage insurance for the vehicle. Cat and I are truly so very thankful. I give thanks to our Creator and to all of you who prayed for this to happen for us.
A beautiful gift out of the blue
We are so happy and now can rest our nerves about breaking down, being stranded and at the mercy of others. I will spend many hours giving thanks for all we have been Blessed with. Miracles do happen folks. We can clearly see that in all that has been happening in my life this past year.
Let’s all continue to pray for everyone who needs help and blessings. Please don’t be shy of posting those that need prayers and let’s all pray for these needs to be answered.
Mvto, Mvto to you all, Ghost
Editor’s Note: The cynical amongst us may wonder why this “miracle” happen when there are so many others who also struggle. I have no clue who the donor is, but most surely they, like many of Ghost’s friends, understand full well just how richly this gift is deserved – in so many ways. Ghost, Thank you for your service and sacrifice to our country and to the cause of justice and religious freedom for all Native peoples. May Creator’s Blessings continue to bring healing, comfort and joy to you and your sweet lady. – Sings Many Songs
I ask each of you to please take the time to read this and hear directly from me what it feels like being free! Thank You!
It will soon be 4 months since my compassionate release was granted and I would love to speak to you about what freedom truly feels like after so very long. It would be hard for anyone to understand what the adjustment has been like or what Cat and I have had to go through beginning life all over.
First let me say that I’m so very, very thankful and happy to be free after spending so many decades in prison. Cat and I and all my family truly wish to thank each and every one of you for all your prayers, concern, support and love.
As the saying goes, True Love never dies. When I was sent away for 40 years, I told Cat she should go on with her life and please not wait for me. She deserved a better life and I prayed it would be a better one than what she had with me. I would never ask her to quit living and wait for me, never knowing if I would ever be free or even alive. To ask her to do that would be selfish and cruel, so we just stayed friends and kept in touch through the years. No, we never quit loving each other. We just had to go on living the best we could. The best part of being free now is that Cat and I are reunited after all these decades. In fact our reignited True Love is growing stronger than ever before.
Ghost & Cat 1990
Ghost & Cat 2022
When I was released, a prison guard took me to the Greyhound Bus station in Birmingham, AL. I sat there in my wheelchair for more than 6 hours waiting for a bus to Mobile, AL. I was dropped off in Mobile at 2:00 AM and waited there another 4 hours to catch a bus to Pensacola, FL. Arriving early in the morning, there were no taxis and no phones in sight. I did not have a clue where I was or how I would let Cat know I was there. Finally I found someone who would make a call for me on his cell phone. Everything about Pensacola had changed so much since I was last here. I did not recognized one thing, but when I saw Cat drive up, that was the most beautiful sight ever.
The adjustments we’ve had to make have not been easy. No not by a long shot. Please now just bear with me as I open up to our personal lives and all the drama, chaos, anxieties, fears, struggles and through it all, the Love that has been my rock ever since I was released.
When you are in prison, you have to adapt to survive – physically, mentally, and most of all spiritually. You make changes, develop habits, some good and some bad and some that you don’t even really realize. Your life is not your own anymore. Oh you can scream all you want to that you are in control of your life, but in reality when you are a prisoner you are not. You get accustomed to all the constant hollering, screaming, and total disrespect from people around you who have no concept of what respect is. You get accustomed to being around people who have no values or morals and yes, I’m speaking about staff and officials most definitely, not just other inmates.
Everything is controlled by the system and every minute of your life is on their time. It becomes ingrained that you only have this much time to talk on the phone before you’re cut off. You only have so much time to get what you need to do done, get to where you need to go. You eat as fast as you can so as not to miss your chance to eat. You have so much time to go get your medicine or get to an appointment when you’re “called out.” You’re told when to go to bed, and when to get up, so your whole life is geared to whatever time they tell you it is.
You get so wound up in your tiny environment that you aren’t even aware of all the habits and way of thinking you are picking up. Yes even bad grammar and the foul language is even worse. Fortunately I didn’t pick up the bad language habit, my spirituality prevents that, but even I have spoken words that should never flow from my lips or even enter my mind.
Now you may be wondering why I should even be telling you all this. Well it is because being out here in this world, life is entirely different. I have been and still am learning to adapt to a totally different environment. Many of those same habits developed over years in prison, I brought out here in this world with me. I often found myself in a panic with so many doubts and confusion and my reactions were often not appropriate for the new situation.
The world has changed so drastically in all these decades, like I had been in the stone ages and suddenly found myself in Star Wars. I didn’t and still don’t know so many things everyone takes for granted. There are so many modern changes and technology has advanced so much that I’m totally obsolete and ignorant in all of it. Plus there is the constant struggle of just trying to survive and get the things I need. My Cat, the love of my life, my true soul mate has given her all to help me adjust and get to all the appointments I have needed. But the stress of dealing with me and all my problems took a huge toll on her health and she was hospitalized three times during the first weeks. No I never meant for this to happen or even truly realized at first what the problem was. The problem was me! Mentally, I was still in prison! My way of thinking, my actions, reactions and behavior were all the same as they were in prison and they were hurting the one I loved. So even though physically I was free, I wasn’t really. My bad habits and my way of thinking, had to change and change fast.
It has taken a whole lot of my Cat constantly getting on me, reminding me to stop doing and acting these crazy ways, to just slow down, take it easy and relax – truly relax. Having Cat, as well as my family and close friends help ease me back into being the person I once was has made all the difference in the world. I’m still working on adapting but when you’re starting over from scratch, change takes time and I’m still working on it.
I wish to say that if my Step Program officer, Mr. Larry, had not of been one of the best kinds of people, helping me in every way he can, it sure would have been a whole lot harder. Mr. Etheridge, my supervised release officer, has been understanding and helped me also. I’m so thankful for these two people who have helped me and treated me like a human being.
I owe a lot to many others as well. My friends at United Way Veterans, Christy, Greg, and D.J., and all the veterans I’ve met in the community and medical personnel at the VA Clinic and my chiropractor have welcomed me and accepted me with no judgment, just sincere caring, friendship and understanding.
Being released totally with only the clothes I had on and sitting in my wheel chair, with no way to get anything or do anything, was stress beyond the imagination of most folks. I have no income, I can’t work because I have so many disabilities, and there is not much I can do to help my situation. Now understanding all these things maybe you can see why so many who are released end up going back to prison. Without a whole lot of support, THEY CAN’T HANDLE THE STRESS, CONFUSION, AND ANXIETIES LONG ENOUGH TO GET RID OF THEIR OWN BAD HABITS.
I’m fortunate that I do not have to worry about any drug, alcohol or tobacco addictions, but many who get released still have all those addictions and problems that go with them. We have learned firsthand how slow the government is in helping anyone. I’m so blessed that I have Cat to help me with everything. I have my loving wonderful family who always has my back and helps us and those special friends who are always are there when we need them the most. Most people in prison do not have these special ones to help them when they get released.
Soon I will be getting corrective surgery on my right knee and my skin cancer taken care of. But I still have a long way to go and so many health issues that need attention. I am so fortunate to have Cat who will be taking care of me and helping me through all of this. It will take a strong person in every way to help me make all these changes for the better. When I first got home, Cat immediately started me on all organic natural cleanses, supplements and vitamins at her own expense to help improve my health. I have lost 42 lbs. since my release and plan on losing at least another 90 lbs. Cat keeps me on track with all these things besides getting me everywhere I need to go. We have literally burned her car up driving it back and forth across the county making sure I get to all these appointments. I know that helping me has taken away so much of her sleep and way too much of her time for things she needs.
Yes I’m a walking medical mess. The doctors I’ve seen out here can’t understand or figure out how I’m alive with so much wrong and damages done to my body. They are pleased by the improvements in my overall health thanks to Cat’s helping me with my nutrition, supplements etc. but yes, they are shocked and outraged by the x-rays and my medical records that show how badly I have been treated for so long.
If you have wondered why I have not written or think I have forgotten about my friends by not sharing with you, just know that Cat and I have just been so busy trying to adjust and get our lives together. My dear Sings, and my sister Judy will continue to share with you all that is going on with me. We’re doing our best to get all the medical help and other things that I need. Everyday I have appointments somewhere, sometimes several, across town from each other and more than an hour’s drive apart.
I want you all to know that I’m so thankful to be free and enjoying life as much as I can. I have a wonderful, beautiful, loving woman who loves me no matter how messed up I am and she is willing to help me any way she can. I am so Blessed and Happy to have her and so thankful to all of my family and friends for your understanding, for being so supportive and letting me know you are happy for me too. I will strive to become better and better in every way. Ghost
It is very hot and humid here today and really was at the lodge. Walks came out and helped sing and make prayer ties with me. No, we didn’t allow him to sweat. He is recovering from back surgery and isn’t ready to do that for a while yet.
Today our ceremony was all about letting go of all the negative energy of the world. We feel the frustrations, disappointments, bizarre and brutal acts of some done out of ignorance, mental illness, greed, jealousy, and hate. We must also let go of all the political agendas of others and such so that we all can have only peace, harmony and love energy.
We must let our bodies, hearts, and spirits bathe in these to restore, re-energize, and heal us from all the chaos of this world we live in. No matter where we are, it is important for us to practice this always and not let the overload of the world’s negative things wear us down, take us out, or change us. We must shutdown and reboot ourselves to be pure and uncorrupted by these negative viruses.
Yes this applies to everyone. For those who have a caring, loving heart, we feel too much, see too much, hear too much, and learn too much of all these bad things. It just overwhelms us, and seems that we can’t change anything, or make a difference. Oh, but we can. We just have to believe we can and in ourselves with a pure heart of love and spirit.
Editor’s Note – As I prepare to post this piece as the next in my queue on Ghost’s teaching from the Inipi, it strikes me as ironic that on this very day, he has written a letter to all his friends to let them know about his own struggles with negative energies. I think all who follow Ghost’s blog posts will enjoy this little insight into his life. I will post the letter separately. Be sure to check out “Beginning Life All Over.” Sings
Well, by now we all know I managed to get up enough gumption to finally say enough is enough and quit the J.O.B. We may or may not have known that it would entail my moving from housing unit Sigma A, officially “the Unicor Unit,” to another unit. So when the counselor asked me where I wanted to move to, I was pretty much clueless. Since the Covid we have been mostly separated from everyone so I had kind of lost track of who was where, in what units and where I would be the best off for the remainder of this bit (sentence).
I remembered one friend, A.C., a Florida fella, and a very decent guy I had gotten to know a bit from the short time we could go to the rec yard and the band room. A.C. is a self-taught musician, a very talented bass player and just an all-around good man. So I told the counselor to move me to Gamma-A Unit, that way I would at least know someone there. The counselor told me to pack my property and go on down there; I was to change places with the “next Unicor victim” who was moving from the cell I was going to into my old cell. I don’t know if that guy had any idea what he was getting into either.
Now here’s where I discovered what a load of “stuff” I have accumulated. Whew! I know the rules say not to accumulate too much baggage, but hey, Mamma said not to run in the house when I was just a little guy; didn’t listen to the rules then and kinda sorta don’t now. So I have A LOT of stuff and I had to move it all myself.
Let’s see, clothing wise I have 2 pairs of sweat pants, shirts, some shorts, 6 gray t-shirts, 10 pair socks, and 7 pair underwear. There’s the basic towels and bedding, sheets, blankets etc. I’m authorized by medical to have 2 mats and 2 pillows, so there’s double on all that. Then there is all the other “stuff.” Man, I couldn’t believe how much junk you can accumulate. I had a stack of books and magazines, plus all my paperwork/records and keepsakes; a bunch of bowls, cups, personal care stuff and commissary food items as well as my religious property. In short, just mountains of stuff, enough to fill 4 mesh laundry bags full and another mesh bag as well plus my double mattresses and all my blankets and pillows.
So here I go pushing a cart load. I finally get here and now I have to unpack it all. Exhaustion set in by the time I got 1/2 way thru the unpacking part and I was starving because I had missed lunch. So I stopped in the middle of the move in and ate a spoonful of crunchy peanut butter and sipped on a coffee I had to bum from one of the new guys since I had absolutely no idea what bag the coffee got packed in to begin with. Anyway we’re talking about a serious fiasco. The only thing missing was the circus music, cuz I was dang sure the clown in this production.
After 4 hours, I finally got it done all the way to the bed is made! And I’m seriously ready to go take a shower! I get my stuff together and head down to the end of the tier to the shower. OMG! A hot shower, with a flow of water that is all but enough to peel the hide off ya. I swear I stayed in there till I was wrinkled up like a dang Shar Pei puppy.
But here I was and I had to think about the relief I felt as I walked out on the morning I quit my job and now I’m just as relieved to have heat in the cell, hot water in the sink, and a hot, wonderful, beautiful, luxurious (by my current standards) shower! Best of all, I wasn’t feeling exploited or slighted or taken for granted or whatever. Now I can do the rest of this time with a clear spirit, my state of mind cleansed and already I’m re-charging. I’m more thankful than I can say here that the Creator has carried me thru a time when I was struggling with my sanity, my pride, my ability to problem solve in the “new adult responsible manner” that I have been trying so hard to master.
Even the fact that I’m not working and saving money for my release isn’t driving me crazy. As I long ago decided, my ultimate goal is to become a counselor for troubled youth and that will require going to school. So as “Sings Many Songs” says, school is now in session and my first class is Sociology 101, dealing with new things, new people, new conditions.
I have a new cellmate. His name is Lopez and he’s a white/Mexican youngster from Alabama, in here for only a short while. As I understand his story, seems boys will be boys, he was playing around outside and pointed a laser pointer at a police helicopter that was flying overhead. So they sent him to federal prison for a stupid kid’s stunt, for crying out loud. He’s barely in his 20’s and these people have ruined his life with this mess. For one stupid stunt, he will be branded an ex federal convict and that is going to follow him forever.
What’s worse they dropped me in on him. See, I’m thinking it’s all part of the Creator’s plan for both Lopez and me. For me to try to get thru to him and him to have to hear it, cuz when the doors are locked there is nowhere for him to go. I can be real loud and I can be real blunt and I so wish I had been dealt a “me” when I was a dumb young kid, just heading down a lifetime’s worth of trouble and strife.
But then again, as I sit here and think about this statement, I am glad it unfurled as it has. I am where I am because it’s where I needed to be for the Creator to finally get me to be me. And now I’m kinda liking me, and the things I see in my future and my plans on getting there. That’s pretty cool cuz once upon a lifetime, even I didn’t like me. So here I am in Gamma-A, with a whole new bunch of people. I never knew I was so well known or that so many people knew who I was and all that, till I walked in the door down here and saw A.C. Then he went to all the “fellas” and they made me welcome, but that’s another chapter, or several…
Editor’s Note: The move Walks describes occurred on Sunday, January 30, 2022. He began writing this account the next morning and sent it by email to me in the early afternoon. At that time neither of us knew about the gang-related inmate murders in a BOP facility in Texas which triggered a nationwide lockdown of all BOP facilities just minutes later. This is standard policy in light of the fact that there are some really bad actors in notorious gangs spread throughout the system and it may take some time before it’s considered safe to return to routine procedures. With this in mind, we can reflect on Walks’ comments about his young cellmate. In prison, situations can change in a heartbeat so we must wonder how an unexpected, extended total lockdown is going to go down. Will the wise old man be able to keep the kid calm or will the already troubled kid freak out over being locked in a closet? Either way, Walks will have his hands full. I am reminded of the wise words sent by Walks’ spiritual brother, Ty “The Gift” when he learned of Walks’ untenable situation before his decision to quit his job and move. Perhaps they apply also now. SMS
“When certain spirit’s know that the Creator is sending blessings your way they’ll be sure to attach some tough obstacles to test your strength. Clear ya mind, breathe, an sing some good prayer songs the way they were meant to be sung. Hang in there!” ~ Ty Tyndall
Talladega Prison, Feb 2020 – It was a rainy and soaked day today. Yes we had our lodge and it was the love in our hearts that motivated us to work through the mud and the drizzling rain to get everything set up and to work at getting our fire going. Now most folks would think that this is not a beautiful day or a day to try to do a lodge. But it opens up another lesson in life. What is beauty? What is the right way at looking at things?
How we see all things in life is up to us. Beauty is everything and in everything that exists. Recognizing beauty is all in how we see it from our hearts. Oh, our eyes can be very deceiving, just as our minds can be, but our hearts, if they are true, will see the beauty in everything that exists and in every situation.
I once had a man say to me, “Oh! that woman over there is ugly!”
I said, why would you possibly say that? What I see is a woman who is beautiful!
He said, “Well look at her, she sure isn’t no 10!“
I told him I thought his mind was tricking him, that what I saw was a woman who was truly happy. She was smiling and enjoying being who she was, not caught up in other people’s troubles or standards. I saw a woman who knew what she wanted in life and was very passionate about life.
He looked at me like I was insane and asked me how could I possibly see all that. I said, well just look at her, she isn’t flaunting or trying to draw attention to herself. She accepts what she has and is; she is at peace with her assets and how she sees life. She isn’t trying to impress anyone, she is just being happy in the moment. There is nothing phony about her. However you choose to look at her, in truth, is what you see. I see a woman who would be loyal, trustworthy, hard-working, and a passionate person in every way. He looked at me a moment, then walked over to say hello to the lady. Wasn’t too long till I heard they were married and decades later they still are and have a beautiful family.
That lesson is for everyone in every part of life. Look with your heart.
Now today was a beautiful day, rain, mud, everything soaked. Our creator made it this way and it has its purpose and beauty also. Just as we had our purpose in struggling to get everything set up and going on this beautiful day.
As the old saying goes, BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
Walk in beauty and love and see this every day and in every way. Ghost
Journeys of the Spirit 