All For the Right to Pray ( 8 )

Part Two – The Making of a Warrior

Chapter 8 – The Horseman – Misty 1

By Ghost Dancer

This Welsh beauty shows the same spirit and intelligence as I remember loving about our Misty

The year I turned 13, my stepdad sold our home in Ocala and we bought a small ranch in West Anthony, which is known as horse country. We had plenty of room for pastures, so all the kids could have ponies and pets. Judy and I were the oldest; Jackie, Greg and Teresa were several years younger.  Greg and I helped Dad to add a bedroom, bathroom and laundry room to the house. We also remodeled the storage shed into a bunk house for Greg and me and built a large barn that would be Dad’s work garage at home.

We were far from rich compared to some of the ranchers around us who bred and raised very expensive race horses. We grew lots of vegetables, fished and hunted, so we were never hungry, and we never did without. We all loved each other and had fun all the time. Sure, there were tough times, work times, and arguments between us, but we always looked after each other. That is very rich in my eyes. There were times when we may not have liked doing all this work, heck, what kid does. We may not have liked the strict way we were disciplined, but life is not always perfect, and the work made us appreciate life so much more when everything was fun and happy.

I felt a strong responsibility to protect my younger siblings and it was my job to make sure they would be safe around the ponies and horses. I worked with them to teach them to be tough and to protect themselves. They didn’t have my size or build, so it was important that they understood the world was not all nice. Jackie was the most soft-hearted one of all. Never wanted to hurt anything.

Greg, Jackie and Teresa all had pet ducks, our two dogs were both mixed breed strays who needed a home. Then came the ponies and horses we all loved. They became part of our family.

Comanche was an Appaloosa that dad bought at a bargain because the owners were moving. He was a very smart horse and had a good time in the pasture with Star and Snowball, our two Shetland ponies, and Patches, a free spirited pinto mustang. Snowball was a former trick horse at a fair or circus. He was up in his years and had slowed down, so they wanted him gone and we took him in. He was maybe 11 years old. I made nice soft hackamores for all the ponies, so the young ones could lead them. Our pasture had shade trees in the front and lots of open space for them to play.

Then there was Misty

Misty was a beautiful free-spirited mare my dad bought and added to our family of horses. She was Welsh by breed; black in color and had tiny feet. She was fast as lightening and could turn on a dime. Her gait was so smooth I could lay down on her back as she ran and never fall off. I loved all the horses, but I quickly learned that Misty would be special.

From the very beginning, Misty never wore a halter, bridle or saddle. I would not put any of that on her. In all her training, and all the adventures we would have together, our communication was based on signals and pressure from the legs. She never wore iron shoes. I learned to trim her hooves and when her feet needed protection, or we wanted to hide our tracks, I would make leather shoes which tied up high like a boot.

Misty in my memory

When Misty first came into my life, she was maybe four years old and it was apparent she had been abused. She didn’t trust anyone and would even charge at you trying to stomp and bite. Her side kick was the worst. Having already been working with our Shetlands, I had learned my lessons in dealing with all the dirty tricks. No animal is meaner or sneakier, than an ornery Shetland pony. They may be small in size, but they make it up in heart and energy.  My brother and sisters used to watch me work with Star. Half the time they cheered for the pony, laughing at me sitting on my behind. Other times they cheered for me. It was my responsibility to make sure these ponies were trained so they could be handled and ridden, and no one would get hurt.

With Misty, it was love she need the most. I saw the scars on her body. These weren’t scars made by another horse. These were scars inflicted by so-called humans. Now my first task was to get her to understand that I would never hurt her. I knew it would take time for her to even begin trusting me. I remembered seeing in one of my dreams, how an ancestor had gained the trust of a horse. I went out in her pasture, but not near her, and just laid down. I never moved; just laid there. More than two hours in the hot sun, I laid there with my brother, Greg throwing small stones at me trying to get my attention. I ignored him.  Curious, Misty began slowly circling, trying to figure out what this two-legged was doing. What was wrong with this two-legged? She kept getting closer and closer. I knew that eventually her curiosity would win. And it did.

Finally, Misty came right up and sniffed me; using her nose, trying to figure out what was wrong. She did just what my dreams had shown me; she used her nose and pushed on me, blowing her breath all over me. I gently blew my breath back at her. This is typical introductions between all animals.

She began pawing the ground showing her frustration in not knowing what was going on. This is when I began sending my love outward towards her and softly spoke, telling her how pretty she was and that I would never hurt her. At first, she jumped back like a cat, but I never moved. She reared up like she was going to stomp me; still I didn’t move. She did land near me, but not too close. I just kept talking, keeping my voice nice and soft. Eventually, she came back over and nosed me again. She looked into my eyes and I kept talking softly.

Slowly I moved my hand closest to her and then reached a little towards her. I could see she was trembling and knew she was as scared as she was curious. For the longest time, I just kept talking to her and ever so slowly, moving my hand towards her. Finally, I gently petted her lower jaw and kept speaking quietly, telling her my intentions of being her best friend; that I would never hurt her, only be here for her.

With my fingers, I began scratching gently under her chin. She closed her eyes letting her head hang lower and I just continued scratching, slowly moving my hand further up her jaw until I could scratch her lower ear. Her body continued to tremble, and I kept right on talking to her. After a while, I slowly raised my other hand and began scratching the other side of her jaw. I raised up a little, letting her nose rest on my chest. I knew if I moved too soon, she might go crazy. I wouldn’t blame her from the looks of her scars. Who could do such a thing?

I spent a long time just sitting up, all the while, talking to her and petting her. When I began scratching her forehead, she loved it, so I continued scratching and talking while I slowly got to my knees. Later, after I had gotten to my feet, I began stroking her neck and back. She began to relax, and I could tell she was enjoying the attention. Barely moving her feet, she would move just enough to get me to scratch where she wanted. I stepped around to her side, slid my hand along her back, and scratched her rump; still talking to her. She tensed a little, watching me very closely, so I moved back to the front, keeping my hands on her. I blew my breath at her softly and told her I would see her later, then slowly walked away.

I wondered if the spell between us would be broken. How would she react? My heart was full of love and I knew if Misty charged at me, it would not be hate for me, but the memory of those who had hurt her. I kept walking towards the gate and could hear her moving behind me. I glanced around and sure enough, she was quietly following. When I got close to the fence, I asked Greg to get a watermelon from the garden. It was time for a treat for doing good. I busted the melon open, then walked toward her holding out a piece, speaking quietly, letting her get a good smell. Cautiously, Misty moved forward, stretched her neck, sniffed and took a bite, all the while, keeping her eyes on me. I laid the rest on the ground, gave her a pat, and then left her alone to enjoy her treat.

The next morning, I brought some carrots with me. Glancing into the pasture, I saw Misty watching me from about 200 yards away. She just stood there while I opened the gate and went into the barn for a curry brush and a salt block. She watched as I filled the water trough and placed the salt block about 30 yards away. Then I held out one of the carrots and softly called her. Her ears were alert, but still she hesitated for the longest time. Then slowly, she started moving towards me, still cautious, but willing to give me a chance. When she got within ten feet she stopped and shook her head, letting me know she was uncomfortable.

I just stood there with a carrot in one hand and brush in the other, talking softly, letting her know she was safe and I was there to give her a very much-needed treat. I let her smell the carrot first; she took it and began eating. I let her smell the brush with the familiar odor of horse. Talking softly, I moved closer to her and began petting and rubbing her. Then came the scratching I knew she enjoyed. Letting her see and smell the curry brush again, I began slowly brushing her neck, then shoulder, then her back. Oh, to say she loved it is nowhere near how well she responded. That brush did its magic wonder and soon I was working her all over; she even allowed me to get near her feet for the first time.

After she was all relaxed, I led her over to the water hose, so I could bathe her properly and shampoo her if she would let me. I was a little amazed when she stood quietly while I gathered my shampoo, conditioners, soaps, and brushes, as though we had done this a thousand times before. I even got out my tools to clean her hooves. This would be done last.

Oh, she loved the cool spring water gently flowing over her as I soaped her up and scrubbed her clean. Working on her tail was spooky at first, but she let me wash it and get the tangles out. She stood patiently while I cleaned the tangles and burrs out of her mane too. Then for a rinse and conditioner working its magic on her mane, tail and the fluffs on her feet. They had all been neglected for so long. I could tell somewhere in her past, someone had brushed her and bathed her. She was remembering and loving it so much. It was good to know these pleasant memories could overshadow her more recent memories of abuse and neglect.

Once Misty was all clean and rinsed, I got out my tools to clean and inspect her hooves. They needed some trimming and she let me do it all. When I was done and started putting everything away, she stood there looking like, is that it? Can’t I get some attention? So, I came back, gave her another carrot, then with a towel, dried and fluffed her mane and tail. Then one more all over brush while I told her how pretty she was and how proud and happy I was for her to come live with us.

After that she followed me around the pasture as I walked and inspected the fences between us and another ranch that had cows and horses. This place was huge and ran for miles down the road behind and our little spread and beyond like a huge box. This rancher really didn’t like our small ranch bordering his at all. Most of the ranches around us were very large with luxurious barns, while ours was just a small place, large enough for a few horses, the house, barn, garage, front yard, back yard and a garden.

Every day I continued to work on building the trust and love between Misty and me. I had not even tried to ride her yet. Greg and my sisters were anxious to ride her, but I knew she was not ready. She had to want to be friends and feel at home with all of them before they could ride her.  With each passing day she was becoming more and more friendly and playful, like a young filly, just wanting to have fun, nipping me when I wasn’t looking or doing something just to get attention. She would pick up something I laid down, and when I turned around, she would be running away with it.

Everyone had the chance to help bathe and brush our Misty. She loved looking pretty and clean and we all treated her like a little princess. She loved carrots more than apples, or other treats. She would eat a few pecans, but only because we were. She amused herself, and us, playing with the ducks and the dog. Many a night I would lay down with my head resting on her and pull a blanket over the both of us. I fixed the barn door so she could go in or out whenever she wanted to and taught her how to open the gate to the pastures, so she could go from pasture to pasture on her own. 

After months of building total trust, it was finally time to ride her. At first, I rubbed her back, then set little Teresa up on her and walked her around. Later we did the same with Jackie, and then Greg. Finally, I put Jackie and Greg both on her to see how she would handle them double as I walked her around. That went well, so I had her trot with them as I ran beside talking to her. She was a perfect lady, behaving so gracefully. Now the real test would be having me get on her. I talked to her and let her know it was still me as I grabbed a handful of mane and leaned my weight on her back, and then swung myself all the way on. She stood there a moment, getting used to my weight. Then I leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Let’s go,” while touching my heels lightly to her ribs.

She began a soft lope, not fast, just a gentle half gallop. I tried signaling her with pressure from my legs to see how she would respond. At first she didn’t understand, but we continued to practice until she caught on. This pasture had trees about halfway down in it. Using just my knees, I asked her to weave in and out of the trees. I let go of her mane and just kept talking to her. She was having fun and so was I.

Finally, I told her, “Go beautiful lady, run like the wind,” and Misty took off like a rocket. I had never been on a horse that could run so fast. Her gait was smooth and in perfect rhythm; her small feet barely touched the ground and the wind in my face made my eyes water. Wow! This was magic.  I leaned forward, patted her neck and told her, “Slow down girl, catch your breath.” She began pacing herself, slowing until she settled into an easy lope, and finally a walk. I let her cool down some, wiped away the sweat and then instructed Jackie to walk her around for a while, letting her cool down completely before letting her drink water.

This girl could run with any of them. I knew the best couldn’t touch her. Now my next step was to see how much she was willing to learn to condition her. I found a big conveyor thing at a junk yard. Dad and I brought it home and he helped me set up a makeshift exerciser. We also needed two good single trees, a yoke and some diesel inner tubes cut into strips. I hooked a big oxen yoke around a large oak tree, connected the single trees to the yoke and hooked the inner tube strips to the single trees. Next I got a horse collar that fit around Misty’s neck and chest.

When everything was ready, I called misty to come and look over this new contraption. I led her up on the conveyor and took her to the end. Then I eased the horse collar on her and let her get the feel of it. All the time I kept reassuring her that it was all okay. Greg and Jackie helped me stretch the inner tube strips from the singletree to the sides of her collar. She had to struggle to keep from being pulled backward.

Then while I stood at her head, Greg started the conveyor. Misty spooked a bit when the conveyor started pulling her one way while the inner tubes were pulling her the other, and I was telling her to walk towards me. She struggled at first, but soon figured it out. This would build up her strength and was great cardio exercise. I stayed in front of her for about 10 minutes, making sure she understood that she needed to keep walking. I sat down to watch her work and she kept at this the first time for 45 minutes. As she got stronger, I would increase the time and the amount of resistance by adding inner tubes and increasing the speed of the conveyor. Later I would ride her to a place to swim.

Misty’s training had begun. It is one thing to train a horse to run, or to walk a certain way, or even to step high like a walker, or to trot, but when you find an athletic horse that really wants to learn, you help it, just as you would a child or young person. Misty was one of those really rare horses that wanted to learn and I knew this. It was very important to me to keep challenging her to learn more things.  I hooked up a bell for her to learn to ring when she needed something. I taught her to unlock her own gate and to close it too.

Now she had to learn to hide herself. When working with any being it is important to familiarize them to specific commands. When they hear that command, they know exactly what you want them to do. Being consistent and giving rewards when they do good, encourages them. A reward can be a head scratching, an apple, or a special treat they don’t normally get. Even something as simple as praise and a hug will make them want to do better and better. I taught her to get real low, then get down and hide.

Everything I did was meant to train Misty as a war horse in the old ways where we worked together. See, traditionally, the horses we trained were part of our force; they hunted, fought and protected us as we did them. I wanted Misty to be part of me and me to be part of her. She could signal me so no one would know and I could do the same for her. This takes time and true trust. We worked on this every day. Many a night I laid down with my head on her neck and talked to her as we looked at the stars. And if it was cold I covered us in a blanket. Misty knew all my thoughts and I believe I knew all of hers. She was a gift from Spirit to be in my life and I wanted her to have the best life possible.

I used to ride her everywhere and sometimes let her loose for her speed runs. Seems we were being watched long distances. We first ran into a problem with the rancher who owned the huge tract of land behind us. He was a cattle rancher, but had plenty of race horses too. One day while Misty and I were out for a run, this man’s son was also out exercising one of their prize race horses. When he saw us across the fence he rode over and challenged me to a race. Misty was all for it. His horse was a lot bigger in height and length, but also in weight. Misty was built for pure speed and her training was already paying off. We took off and raced all out for a mile, leaving them in our dust. After we slowed to a walk and Misty was cooling off, he came riding up cussing and claiming our win was an accident; that his horse had a stone in his hoof. I offered to help, but he just told me to get out of there and went into a rage saying horrible things I will not repeat about Misty and me.

This did not set well with me. I stood up on Misty’s back, launched myself over the fence and snatched him off his horse. Even though he was bigger and older than me, he was no match for this bundle of fury. I had punched his face so many times before he even realized he had a wild man on him. Misty is the one that brought me to my senses. She jumped the fence, pushed me off him, and stood there trembling. I checked my temper, swung back up on Misty and told him to never speak to us again and if he can’t stand to lose, don’t race. Then Misty collected herself, jumped back across the fence, and we were gone.

Two days later the father and some his people showed up and told Mom that I was running the fat off his cows; that I had been seen riding in his pastures. Mom told him no, that I don’t ride in his or anyone’s pastures. He never mentioned my beating his older son up or about the race. Mom told him to leave and they did. Dad wasn’t there so I was the man of the house and what he didn’t know was that Greg and I were both armed with our bows and arrows, ready to defend our mom if these men tried anything.

The next week I was riding Misty down a dirt road, miles away from the house, when someone in a pickup truck tried to hit us. We had gotten completely off the road, yet the truck veered off the road, still trying to hit us. Misty swayed back, and we hit the woods, veering in and out of trees. I did not recognize the truck. Most trucks around there had their ranch logos on them.

After that, nothing else happened for a month or so. Misty and I continued to train every day and just enjoying our lives together. Here was a horse that didn’t think she was a horse. She thought she was one of us. She played with us all and it always seemed as though she enjoyed making everyone laugh. It tickled her if she could pull a joke on someone and she would just dance and kick up her heels and even lay on the ground and roll over and over laughing. We never knew what she would do next, playing with the dog, playing with all the kids and even the ducks and the other horses.

To Be Continued. . . Chapter 9, The Horseman – Misty 2

All For the Right to Pray (7)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 7 – Sanctuary in the Wilderness

By Ghost Dancer

I have never been an indoor person and no matter where I have been or lived, being in the swamps, woods or mountains is where I truly find my inner peace and re-energize my whole being. In wild places I can truly connect to all things, open myself up to feel all the life forces, energies, spirits of all life beings and everything. In these places where everything is real, true to what it is, is where I can truly become One with our Creator, and all that exists.

Nature allows you to truly be in the presence of Spirit. Because Spirit only comes and truly works and speaks with you in the most sacred of places, and truly sacred places are made by Spirit, not by man, and have not been polluted, contaminated, corrupted, or manipulated. These sanctuaries help provide the one-on-one experiences we each need to cleanse ourselves of all the negative energies, problems, and outside influences that so distract us. 

In nature what you see is what you get. Now in saying that you must realize that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. Many see the wilderness as a terrible place with no conveniences anywhere, just hardship, danger, harshness etc. What folks don’t understand they fear and when they fear something they stay away from it or they want to destroy. It is all on each of us to be able to see real beauty and love what is there.

All my being is always connected to these places no matter where I am. I feel so alive there, so at peace and connected to all my relations. Yes, I said relations for the One who created all of these things created all of us too. So we are all related. We are not above or below any other being. Unlike many folks, I understand that no matter what, this is where all spiritual awakenings truly come to life with higher enlightenment. Every true religious teacher throughout history first went to the wilderness to gain the enlightenment, knowledge and gifts to bring back with them. Likewise, in Native traditions, this is required of us all because it truly is the way.

Since my earliest childhood growing up, my relationships with most people have been a paradox. I have always been assertive and a doer, a hard worker, often taking on burdens that were not mine to carry. I cared about people and wanted to help others and somehow held the belief that I had the duty and responsibility to save the world. On the other hand,  I was also naïve and easily duped, not realizing I was leaving myself open to people who cared nothing about me but would use me and take advantage of me. Very often I felt overwhelmed, and seeking refuge from my hurt, I would retreat to the wilderness.

Nature is simple in just being itself. There are no fakes, no deceit, jealousy, hatred, lies, prejudices or insanity. In nature my spirit was healed; my inner peace came alive. Be it on a mountain, at a beach by the ocean, river, lake, creek or springs, even a desert, these magical places always provided all I needed to calm my mind and spirit, allowing me to refocus, re-energize, and reconnect to everything.

I have always known that I am different from everyone else; that I did not fit in, that I think differently, act differently, live differently than they do. I see things differently than most folks. I really didn’t have much of a childhood. My days were filled with lots of responsibilities and I never fit in with most other kids. The one big exception was all the Seminole / Creek kids I grew up with at Silver Springs. We had so much in common and the adventures we had together playing in the swamps, swimming in the spring waters and playing tricks on all the tourists stand out as some of my fondest memories. This is where I came to realize that my heart and spirit knew I must be with my people. Here I was truly happy and fit in. Here I did not have to hide who I was. I could just be me. 

Throughout my adult life, I still have never fit in with society or most civilized things. I’m still just as wild as I always have been. I cannot put on a false face or pretend to like someone, or act like I’m better than anyone or any other form of life. I can’t hate someone just because they are different. In fact I don’t hate anyone. Even those who have used me, tortured me, tried to kill me, ridiculed me, lied about me or falsely imprisoned me. No I don’t hate them. Some say I’m violent. Have I ever used violence? Yes, but only to protect myself, loved ones, family, or others who couldn’t protect themselves and then only enough to stop or prevent more harm to me or others. 

Have I gotten upset or mad. Yes I have, but I cannot stay mad. I have a forgiving heart. Just can’t help that and yes, I have sometimes had a bad temper but I’m like a volcano, when it gets upset it just blows up, then calms right down. When I know I’ve been wronged, I may forgive someone but that does not mean I want them around me.

What life and my years in prison have taught me, people generally do what they are taught, and children pick up the same hatreds, prejudices, bad habits, bad ways of life from others. What is sad is most don’t think anything is wrong with the way they act or think or believe. They have never made growth changes in their life so they are stuck on that same cycle as if they were chained to it. How can anyone progress if they don’t step out of their old self and old habits and move forward to evolve? How can anyone grow mentally, physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually, if they don’t step off that road they have been on and make a new way?

We all have choices in life. If we stay still, we become stagnant, polluted, and infectious just as water that sits still does. We must move; we must seek to be better than we are always. Be a better person, more loving, kind, compassionate, giving, generous, forgiving, patient and understanding.

Only those who do the work ever find the true happiness and love they have always been seeking. Only those who seek to know their true selves will ever find themselves. Only those who truly seek to know Spirit will find Spirit. Everyone can do these things but no one else can do it for you. If you truly want something you must reach for it, act for it, ask for it. 

When I was a kid my family never worried about me when I disappeared in the swamps, woods, mountains or anywhere. They knew I had the skills to take care of myself. I grew up going into wild dangerous places. We had alligators, quick sand, deadly snakes, spiders, scorpions and insects as well as bears and panthers all around. I was and still am at home in these places. I fit right in. Swimming in shark infested waters or with alligators made no difference. Many animal species will attack when they sense your fear, even your own pets react to any fears you have. They sense it and respond accordingly. I hug trees, and stone peoples. I speak to them just as I would you. I do this with all plants, animals, birds, all life, even insects because they all have life energy and they have feelings too. Just most people don’t see it that way.

I have always had a gift with all of nature. Animals, birds, reptiles, trees, stones, you name it, I connect with it. I understand them. People are the ones I just can’t understand. In my experience, though many wonderful people have touched my life, in general I learned that people are treacherous; they will say one thing but actually mean just the opposite; they will smile to your face but it is a false smile. Some of the happiest and the most painful experiences of my youth had to do with two big-hearted horses that I loved dearly and the treachery of heartless people determined to destroy them and me. These experiences set me firmly on my path as a warrior. Ghost

Coming up in Part TwoThe Making of a Warrior, the stories of Misty and Sachem and so much more..

My constant prayer for Ghost Dancer: I pray for Spirit to touch the hearts of all who hear your name, for yours is a story that deserves to be heard. May Spirit touch the hearts and minds of all who speak to you, about you, and for you, in every way, in every situation that impacts your life, for wherever love resides there also peace and justice live. epd April, 2017

All For the Right to Pray (6)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 6 – Intellectual and Spiritual Gifts

By Ghost Dancer

I do not remember when it was actually that folks started noticing that I had exceptional memory and learning abilities but I was very young. My Grandpa Beavers made sure that I understood how important it was for me to remember everything I saw, heard, felt , and sensed each and every day. He impressed on me how important it was for me to learn and try to keep learning everything I possibly could for one day he said I would need to be sharing all these things so they won’t be forgotten.

My mom started me way ahead of school so when I started 1st grade I could already read, write, do arithmetic and such. Yeah we ate lots of fish in our diet back then too so that surely helped my mental abilities. We kids didn’t go to kindergarten. I’m not even sure if they had things like that back then. I do know none of the other kids in my grade could do the things I could. By 5th grade, I was already doing advanced class work. They gave me an IQ test and were shocked that I scored 147. I was tested again in the 8th grade and my score was 185. By then I was doing 11th and 12th grade high school and higher work. With a photographic memory, I had nearly 100% retention of everything I read, or observed.

I loved to learn and I loved all the sciences, mathematics, history, and such. I stayed in a classrooms up till the 8th grade my classes were all with seniors and I was already doing college courses. When I went to high school they decided I was too much of a distraction and just assigned me to the principal’s office where the vice principal provided me with higher college level course materials to study.

When I finished the 10th grade I had already taken all of the college courses available to me. The principal said they really didn’t have anything else to teach me. I asked him then to go ahead and let me graduate; I was certainly ready to move on. Looking back, I still can’t believe that he actually said no, that I needed to stay in school and play sports because the school needed me. 

So I quit school and wound up getting married. It was a shotgun wedding because a girl’s father accused me of taking advantage of his daughter. In those days forced marriage was the only way to deal with such accusations. Since I was under age my dad took me to Iuka, MS and told them I was older, that my license had been taken by the court, so at age 15 I ended up married. While I was working the all-athletic coach for the high school pleaded with me to come back to school and play sports. He said they would help me make money to support my family. I declined. I was still upset that the principal would not allow me to graduate. See I had a stubborn streak in me back then and felt it was wrong and I would show them for not giving me the credit I felt was due to me or even cared about my academic potential. As for my own dreams, I had seriously thought I would like to become a scientist or a medical doctor, but here I was and this was certainly not a good start for a promising scholar.

After I went to prison, my quest to learn and to share my knowledge did not end.  I would love to tell you about some of the people who really helped me. I remember Law Professor Hand who came into the prison to teach law classes. This man expected 100% from you or you got a zero because in law you either win or you lose; there is no in between. He pushed me to really learn to understand the law and how to apply it. Thanks to Professor Hand I was able to file and win so many things in courts. I kept up with him after the classes and thank him for being so tough on me. 

Another man who was very helpful in my higher education was Dr. Peter Astrabuck [sp] who was the U.N. Ambassador from Austria in the 80’s. He opened doors for me to many college professors, colleges and universities in Europe and through them so much buried information became available to me. I was fortunate enough to meet people from France, Austria, Scotland, England, Belgium, Netherlands, Holland, East & West Germany, Portugal, Spain, Poland, Italy, Rome, Russia, Czechoslovakia, Egypt, Turkey, Israel, Jordan, Iraq, Rhodesia, Nigeria, Japan, China, India, and Hong Kong. My mind was so very hungry to learn many different things from Ancient history, medicine, sciences, engineering, architecture, and all the world religions and cultures. All these people helped feed my hunger for knowledge.

I also want to speak about Terry C. Johnston, who researched and documented so much history of the American west as a historical fiction writer. Terry was instrumental in getting me to start writing things down. He became my friend first as we both loved history. He loved picking my brain on traditional native ceremonies, thought processes, regalia, histories, religions, and culture when portraying Native people in his books. He always sent me a personally autographed first printing of each book he wrote. He also had his writer friends send me their books and communicate with me too.

Terry always encouraged me to write about what I know and what was happening in our legal struggles with the prison system. Terry personally helped by paying for airplane tickets and motel rooms for  many of my expert witnesses for court in our struggles for our right to pray and practice our religion in prison. Others such as Joseph Bruchac https://josephbruchac.com/  who wrote many books on Native culture, became my friend and helped by providing me more books and encouraging me to write for numerous native newsletters and newspapers. I began writing for Eagle Wing press, Bejouwin, Oh-Ta-Kin, Four Winds, and many more. 

Over the years as my body of knowledge grew, I had the opportunity to work with Native American college professors, museums, archaeologists, and historians, helping them learn more about ancient pictographs, belief systems, customs, artifacts, languages, etc. I loved teaching and still do. Just a few years ago I was asked to work with April Gardner who writes romance novels. She was working on a series set in the 19th century south and wanted guidance on making her portrayals of Creek and Seminole people culturally authentic and in a true light as human beings. April’s stories opened up her readers up to a whole new view of Native peoples, culture, beliefs, ceremonies, etc. I’m so very proud of all her hard work. Thank you, April for your dedication, friendship, and help. I truly appreciate all her books and she has sent me copies of each one. I was always taught to share the knowledge and teachings with all who wanted to learn so these things will never be forgotten or lost.

Now one thing I need to mention is the fact that I was born with certain other gifts that are much harder for people to understand. Though this came natural to me, I had to learn to accept it myself and surely needed to keep quiet about. Grandpa Beavers and my elders understood my abilities to know and see things most people cannot see. They always warned me to be quiet about these things for ignorant folks would fear me and claim I was possessed or did the work of the devil. See I lived in the south where churches with a variety of narrow beliefs controlled every community. Their prejudices about what I could do could literally get me killed. I guess those folks didn’t read their bibles very much. There is so much written about ones in the bible who could do what I do and yeah their own people killed them too. So yeah I had to keep these things quiet from others.

Now I have a gift of connecting with all types of animals and the ability to “read” people, seeing things others do not see. I also have the ability to travel to the spirit world which has helped me in so many more ways than most folks would accept or even understand. Most everyone has heard of people with unexplainable special gifts such as Edgar Cayce. Some people who have near-death experiences speak of leaving their body and being able to look down and watch medical teams working to bring them back to life. Spirit travel is like that, only with the ability to let the spirit leave the body and travel through time, distances, to see and learn things directly from the past, old ways and wisdoms that have been lost through the events of time. Among traditional Native cultures, individuals with these gifts are honored. In Muscogee Creek culture, such people are respectfully recognized as Keethlas or Knowers.

Doing these things does come with responsibilities, rules and a cost. It takes a toll on your body and your life; it changes you from most folks and requires a high level of self-discipline. People with this gift must learn to put up self-protective shields and to quiet the mind so as to tell the difference between the spirit world and the physical world and which dimension or plane of existence you are actually dealing with. This all comes with practice, practice and more practice.

My elders on my dad’s side of the family accepted this as did my mom and Grandpa Beavers. My sisters and brother accepted this about me and even some of my cousins. Others, well I tried my best to be careful to not let them know. Later in life I openly practiced this ability doing psychic shows and fairs all across the country. I even worked for some Hollywood and music celebrities doing readings for their programs and was once invited to the Edgar Cayce Institute in Virginia Beach VA.

I understand why most people scoff at things such as this that they simply do not understand. Too many today, just as many I have met in my life, are just fakes and frauds. These are people with no morals, discipline, training, or experience yet they take advantage of the gullible and people desperate to find solutions to very real problems. People believe they can read a book and actually be a reader of people or tell someone’s future by a casting of the cards or such. Truly gifted people know that much more is required and you must practice to develop your gifts.

There are also rules placed on you by Spirit and all spirit helpers you may use or contact; this takes a toll on you and your life. I still help others if they ask. My gift is strong, better than it ever has been. I’ve had the experience of a lifetime, and I still practice and learn even more every day. I haven’t done a show in years, but  most surely these sacred gifts have helped me in numerous ways to endure the tribulations of prison and to help other inmates along the way.

Ghost

Alone

Lights In the Distance. . .

Walks’ Outdate – 154 Days and Counting

By Steven Maisenbacher

Well, I just got done with the highlight of my days, talking to “Sings Many Songs” and I call her pretty much every day, to talk about this stuff or that stuff, or Ghost or just basically anything that is going on or that we have to chat about. I think that had it not been for that woman and our chats and her inspiration I would surely have lost my mind by now…or the remainder that is left. Anyway we were talking the other day and the topic of people came up and I made mention of the fact that this is the first time in my life that I will be totally on my own when I get home, no rebound relationship or significant other.

It further occurred to me that I might be better served that way, I mean after all while I still would love some female companionship when I’m out, I have been gone so long, and I will be 62 years old when I get out so I think I would rather have a talking frog. At least then I could limit my involvement. Smile. And it would be very inexpensive to maintain, heck, a few flies, a nice lily pad… But that’s not my point here. I’m talking to the fact that all my life I’ve had girlfriends and I’ve never been out in the free world as an adult without one, or at least one.

I think there was some sort of magnetic thing going on cuz I have never had a problem getting a girlfriend. Sometimes I would have been better served by listening to others about their character, but most often the heart wants what the heart wants, so this time I will be able to find myself in the strange new land that is the “free world.” Now I can try to figure it out without the pressure of trying to figure it out while in a relationship.

See I don’t think I’m gonna be ready to run right out and start looking for a girlfriend; there are too many things I’ve got to look for in myself and on my own. I think that it’ll be one of those deals where she will find me, and I’m sure to come in contact with a lot of them due to the interests I have in jewelry and music and all that, plus I am a devilishly handsome old codger. LOLOLO, but that’s always been more of a handicap.

Also in the past communicating thru the various pen pal sites, I’ve discovered that most of the females who are drawn to me are crazy as all heck and I have been involved with several over the years in here, some even from overseas. One even came here from Germany to see me, and we didn’t need more than a few hours to see we were really not as compatible as she thought we would be. I really don’t embrace the “you need to change, you need to do this, you need to do that” thing. I knew I was incapable of being “molded” into the man she wanted me to be and quickly told her I wasn’t the man she wanted me to be, that I wasn’t able to just become her ideal Mr. Right and therefore we should just end it and remain friends.

Right. Anyway, that abrupt ending taught me that love isn’t about changing for a person, it’s about self, but if the changes that one makes are better for the other person as well, then all the better, if not then as the old song goes, “Bye, Bye, too bad, so sad.” Now I don’t know where all this is heading; I do kinda sorta know what I was wanting to share but never seemed to get there, so let me do it like this. When I come home August 31, 2022 I will be entirely single, with no one to help me transition but myself and a few close friends who are always just a phone call away, but I’m not so worried about it.

See I’ve always faced every fear, every situation head on, often times racing into it helter-skelter and that’s just the way I am. And while I’m not afraid of the future, I’m scarred to death of the world that I don’t know; while I’m not afraid of getting it right, I’m worried about the stumbles along the way. Even though there is no stopping it, I’m gonna stumble over the world, and probably look like a damn fool with a phone in my hand, trying to figure it out. (First thing, how do you turn this *^$%* on??) So citizens of the world just know this, if you see a silver haired handsome old devil looking all bamboozled and confused, it’s just me, and I am exactly what I appear to be…baffled at the world. You’ve been warned…

All For the Right to Pray (5)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 5 – Athletic Training, Skills & Opportunities

By Ghost Dancer

My dad first started playing ball with me as soon as I could walk pretty good and from then on I was in for lots of learning. Even after my parents were divorced, my training continued whenever I was with my dad. First he taught me how to catch the ball, then fielding the ball, and then throwing the ball. He always had lots of patience with me and I enjoyed the challenge of learning. From an early age Dad taught me many finer points such as using my body if necessary to block the ball from getting around me, how to position my body to go in any direction at the crack of the bat, and to throw the ball from any angle and position with accuracy. He taught me how to hold and swing the bat for the best results, to watch the ball leave the pitcher’s hand and to time the ball for the perfect swing.

Now I had a huge advantage over most kids my age. Not only did my dad live and breathe baseball and all sports generally, but I was always taller and stronger than my peers and my dad made sure I practiced at least two hours every day. He provided me with lots of equipment and always made time to practice with me. He even bought a special piece of training equipment that had very tight webbing with a strike zone designed in it. Even when I was alone, this allowed me to practice throwing the ball everyday all by myself and get more accuracy using either hand. The net would send the ball back flying to you. or it could even send the ball flying high up in the air to help you practice catching fly balls and learning to judge distances, trajectory and angles. No matter what position anyone plays one thing you have to develop is an instinct for understanding a person’s stance, bat speed, and the type pitch and location so you can always anticipate where the ball will come from. As a pitcher I could manipulate where the batter has to hit the ball – if he was able to hit it! 

I spent time every day practicing year around, training my body in strength, hand speed and coordination. Balance is key. Not only was I training for baseball, but  for all sports. I played basketball, football, track and field including long-distance cross country running, shot put, discus and javelin. I also trained in yoga and martial arts – judo, karate, aikido, budo, and kick boxing. I worked hard doing all types of manual labor which helped tone and define my muscles and body. Swimming was another favorite of mine and when I was sitting around at night I would constantly be squeezing a hand gripper to strengthen my hands even isolating each finger to strengthen them much more than other folks would consider doing. 

My dad not only helped shape my athletic life but supported it in every way. From Pee Wee up through Pony League, Dad even had my team mates come to ball fields and helped us practice as a team. He helped all of them develop their skills at their positions and in batting too. He bought equipment for all of us and we kept it at our house. This way we could fully equip a practice game anytime we wanted to.

During the times I was back in Florida with my mom I would continue to practice. Living in Ocala, I even had the opportunity learn from all the pro baseball players who were there for spring training. These guys were awesome and they always took time to speak and help any kid who wanted to learn or talk to them. Yeah, I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to do these things. My step-dad owned a garage and several of these professional baseball players were his customers so I really was lucky to get to meet them one-on-one. When I went to the spring practice fields they would invite me in to meet their team players and here I was actually learning from some of baseball’s greatest hall of fame players.

I could go on and on about who they were but what is important is that these men had hearts of gold to teach kids like me to really become something special like they were. Just so you know, my skills and abilities did not go unnoticed. Even while I was in junior high school, I was highly sought after by colleges and pro team recruiters. Once I was playing at high school level and still performing beyond their understanding or expectations of someone my age, the recruiters really were wanting me to commit to each of them and what they wanted. My dad was my buffer. I would just tell them they needed to talk to him not me.

Now most folks don’t push themselves to truly train but I understood even then that it really takes a strong will, dedication and discipline to work out and train to become the best you can be. So with that in mind remember that I dedicated my life to being a true warrior and athlete to be the best I could be. Training and working out came easy to me. I was born athletic and my body responded naturally to all these things. Genetics and being from a big, strong-bodied people with a strong commitment to compete in almost anything helped a whole lot. I was so fortunate to have had people in my life’s walk that helped shape, guide and influence me. 

After I quit school in the tenth grade and set out on my own I worked a regular job but also had a side handy man business for folks who needed something repaired, built, painted, and doing all types of cleanup, landscaping and lawn care. Once I was doing a job for a man whose brother was the assistant defensive coordinator coach for the New Orleans Saints football team. This man was at his brother’s house and they kept watching me work. Finally the two of them came over and he asked if I had ever played football. I told him yes, I played football in junior high and high school. He said he had been watching me and could see that I was very strong, I moved fast and had good balance. As it turned out, his brother had seen me play in school games and called him about me. That was why he was there.

Now at that age I was already 6′ 6” and weighed about 205 lbs., all lean hard muscle. He asked me if I would be interested in going to try out for the New Orleans Saints? What could I say? Yes I would love to do that. He never even asked me my age and yeah, I was under aged, but most folks would never know that. Anyway I went to training camp and actually made the team; they were very excited about having me playing defense for them. Then they called me into the office to talk business and asked if I had an agent and would I sign a contract. But there was a caveat; they said there would be conditions. I would have to cut my hair and I  must lose the Native American persona. I always wore my Native regalia – jewelry, and buckskin clothing and moccasins or beaded Native designed shirts. They said that the NFL rules did not allow these things. (Boy, funny how the league has changed over the years isn’t it LOL!) So, I told them thank you but I could not agree or do any of that. I walked out the door and never looked back or contacted them again. Basically the same thing was said and done in baseball as well.

Later on I did play against many NFL All-Stars and Hall of Fame players. This was in the 70s in what was called the “Pig Bowl” in Alabama – the Cops versus the Cons. This was back when I was first incarcerated in the State of Alabama. Every year our Cons team always beat the Cops. They couldn’t have us continuously embarrassing them; it tarnished their image and hurt their propaganda reflections of all prisoners. So they found a way to get around the problem. They would have college and pro football players come in during the off season and for $25 they could become auxiliary police officers. This allowed them to be eligible to play in the game. Didn’t matter, we still beat the pro players.  

This game was actually played in Hamilton, Alabama and as far as I know it is still being played every year for charity. I remember one game being filmed and broadcast by ESPN from Las Vegas in the 80’s. Yeah there was lots of gambling involved on this game. You might remember Burt Reynolds in “The Longest Yard.” That movie was based on the Pig Bowl in Alabama though the movie was actually filmed in Reidsville, Ga. at a prison there. 

Throughout my 42 years in prison, playing and coaching sports would always be a big part of my life.

  Ghost


 

All For the Right to Pray (4)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 4 – Growing Up in the Alabama Mountains

By James Johnson

Ghost and his Dad James Johnson 2014

My father, James Johnson, lost his own father when he was fourteen years old. One of a large farm family, he had to work to help his family survive so he never had much opportunity for a formal education. Dad was a hustler though and a worker. He was an astute trader and always had a good sense of business, not trying to get rich, but to do better. As I was growing up, my dad and I didn’t always see eye to eye. We had our conflicts, but it didn’t stop us from having our good times and learning together.

Dad, my sisters, Judy & Jackie and me 1965

When I was young and went to stay with my dad in Alabama, all my dad’s family wanted me to learn my heritage from his side, and of course, this was intriguing to me. Dad was proud of his Muscogee Creek heritage, and always tried to help me understand the importance of who I was. He told me some about his father, but I wanted to learn much more, so he made sure I had the chance to meet my great aunts, great uncles as well as my Grandmother, of course. I loved learning what they had to tell me, walking on the old lands, going to places that most people have never even heard of.

Mary Clemence Doty Johnson

My Grandma Mary Clemence Doty Johnson was a big part of my life. She was a very tall, large woman for back then. She was considerably younger than my Grandfather, Elish Hedley Johnson, and was still a young woman when he crossed over, leaving her with young children to raise on the family homeplace.

Grandma Johnson was always ready to talk with me, and I loved when she told about my Grandpa. She wanted me to know my Creek heritage on his side of the family and the stories of my people. She told me how a family had taken in his grandpa and adopted him as one of their own and hid him from the militias from Georgia and Alabama. My dad and his sisters, Inez and Mary always told me these stories about my great-great grandfather too, so I would never forget. Grandma and my aunt, Inez could write all the names in the old language. I remember Grandma telling my dad how important it was for him to take me to see all my relatives and all these places. 

What I most want to relay about my grandma is that she was all about us all knowing our Native blood, history, and our family ties. She was doing exactly what a clan mother would do in the old days. She made sure I knew my Grandpa Johnson and who all his family were and her side of the family as well. She reminded us all that we are Native and our roots are here in the land. Our ancestors and their blood are still deeply centered right here in Alabama. Grandma instilled in me the honor and respect we must keep flowing throughout each generation.

I vowed to her as I vowed to my Grandpa Beavers that never would I forget; never would I stop learning, so I could bring all these old ways back to our people and all my family as well. Why she picked me out of all her grandkids I have no clue. All my cousins and everyone else were just as capable as me, but maybe she also saw what my Grandpa Beavers did, someone who truly was mule-headed enough not to quit no matter what. I always rebelled when someone told me I couldn’t do something. I don’t know why, I’m just that way. I love to learn and I love pushing myself to always do better.  Been a wolf all my life. Love my freedom, more at home in a wilderness than in any home. Would rather sleep on the ground than any bed and I can adjust to any environment. My grandparents both told me that is what our people do – adjust and survive, make use of what is available.

I was in prison when my grandmother passed in 1978. My family members all gave the law their word that I would not be a problem if they brought me to the funeral and I gave my word too. They had me chained head to toe; surrounded by police with guns. I came dressed in a black denim shirt and pants, boots, hair long, and all those shiny chains everywhere. I thanked the police for all the jewelry. When I asked them about taking the chains off – I had given my word – they said no way. Some of the new kids didn’t know who I was, but they were told. Everyone hugged me at the funeral. That was the last time I saw so many of them. Most are gone now. That night, I saw Grandma in my dream walks and we had a long talk.

Great Aunt Leathe

Dad took me to see my Grandma Johnson’s sister, Great Aunt Leathee, Lethia Emley Doty Horton. Boy, what a joy this was for me. Here was another tall, large woman who lived the old way and knew so many stories and history of our family and our people. She was always loving and took time to make sure that I remembered our history as it was passed down to her. She lived with her husband, Oscar Horton, near Sugar Creek in Blount Co. Alabama. Aunt Leathee, my dad and Uncle Oscar took me to my grandparent’s old homestead.

The chimney and fireplace, and a few other stone walls were still standing. The peaches, plums, pears, and apple trees were all still growing. From the homestead we walked down the mountain side to the Mulberry River, walking through all the corn fields and then down through the cane thicket. As cane cutter rabbits took off in front of us, my dad and Great Aunt told me all the stories they knew of this area. We spent the day fishing while I learned all about my Grandfather and our people’s history. As we walked back, Great Aunt Leathee thanked my dad for bringing me and said she wanted him to leave me there for a couple of weeks because we had lots to talk about, and he did.

Great Uncle Oscar was short and slender, but a strong man. My great aunt was twice his size in height and bone structure, but they were a pair. Up before 4:00 AM every morning, there was work to be done, teaching me different things, such as how to catch those cane-cutter rabbits which she loved cooking. She made gravy and biscuits to go with it. Aunt Leathee also wanted me to meet others of my family, so Uncle Oscar took us around introducing me. Many were very distant related, but to us, as Aunt Leathee said, family is family no matter how distant.

Like my dad and many of my family, Aunt Leathee strongly cautioned me that I must hide what I was. The fear and prejudice was still strong as it had been in the southern states since the removal. Laws were still on the books that made it illegal for a Native American to own land, have a job or anything else. She warned me that it would be really easy to wind up dead because of who I was; practicing Native religion or just being Native at all, was putting a target on my back since there were still laws that make it legal to kill an Indian in some places. My problem was, and still is, I don’t like bullies and I refuse to let them scare me.

Great Uncle Warren Doty

Great Uncle Warren Doty was a peach farmer. He lived on a beautiful farm and grew some mighty tasty peaches. He had a garden in the back of the house and huge orchards spread out all around. He loved for my dad and me to come and we all hunted together. He sure loved to rabbit hunt. I asked him once why so much rabbit hunting. He said because they are so much harder to see and hit. Then he laughed. That laugh was a joy to hear. Like several of my great uncles, he loved to whittle and he had a favorite spot up under a big oak tree near the barn. Uncle Warren didn’t talk a whole lot; he expected you to watch him if you wanted to learn something. He said the only true way to learn something was to jump right in and do it. I asked, what if I make a mistake or did something bad wrong? He answered, “Well you learned from that didn’t you? And I know you won’t make that mistake again.”

Uncle Warren had a way of looking at you to let you know that you weren’t thinking straight. One day he asked me if I had ever sneaked up on a deer and touched it before it knew I was there. I told him I knew how to kill one with a knife. He looked at me sideways then; said he had never seen or known how to do that. I said, well we are even, because I haven’t been able yet to pet the deer before it knew I was there. I had come close, but not actually touched the deer while it was standing there. I had touched one while it was sleeping, but that doesn’t count.

Then I explained to Uncle Warren: See if you pet a deer while it is feeding, it will be so surprised it will jump straight up in the air, and like the road runner, when its hooves hit the ground it is gone. The only reason I don’t tell you how to kill the deer with a knife is that I don’t want people trying this without knowing exactly what they are doing. Deer can tear you up pretty bad if you don’t do this right. But this is the old way a young warrior proved their skill and patience at hunting. This was the deer whose heart and a choice piece of meat would be offered to the fire for a good hunting season and bring honor to the deer people. During certain moons, the whole deer would be offered.

Uncle warren asked who had taught me those old ways. I looked down because I didn’t know if he would understand that I had been shown these things in my spirit traveling. He reached out and smiled saying, “I know, don’t worry, it is okay. Some may not understand this about us and many of our own family do not have these gifts, only because it is buried too deep inside of them. They have taken on new beliefs. Never be ashamed of your gifts and how you believe.”

Uncle went on to tell me that I honor all the family by being myself. He said that even though he didn’t live or believe as I did, he respected that in me. He said my dad had talked to him and explained how headstrong I was. Then he asked me to listen to him and gave me the same warning, that there are many who would hurt or even kill me if I openly say things about my beliefs or the abilities I had – up here in the mountains, or in this whole state. His advice was for me to do what I believe, follow my path, but don’t broadcast this out to others. He told me that many of our family still practice the old ways, but none of their neighbors would ever even know it. We keep these things private. He looked at me and asked if I understood why. I told him, yes, I knew why. Then he said he thought it is wonderful to be so proud and loving all our ancestral ways, and he encouraged me to always do so. And I always have. Uncle Warren’s words were wise and I have tried to do just that.

Maw-Maw Jaybird

I have been blessed with many people who have helped shape and guide my life. None as much as Alma Jacobs, known to everyone as Maw-Maw Jaybird. When I first met her, she was already ancient – at least in my young eyes – and yet so full of life still. I have no clue as to her age, but she was blind and had been for years. She was a widow and lived in the mountains of northern Alabama. Two of her daughters were still living at home with her, but some of her children were married and gone.

One of her daughters, Jewel, was my stepmother. She had married my dad and they spent a lot of time at her family home place, so this mountain-top farm became my second Alabama home when I was with my dad. I will always remember the first time my dad took me to Maw-Maw’s old homestead. There was no road so to speak; we drove there in a pickup and it was still rough getting there. When I first saw Maw-Maw, I couldn’t believe it. Here was a woman I was told was already old and blind, but she was out working in the gardens and I could see no sign that she could not see. She was working and pulling weeds with her hands faster than the two ladies also working in the garden.

When I got out of the back of the pickup, they waved at me. I waved back and they all started coming up the hill towards us. I didn’t know what to expect, but I surely wasn’t ready for what I saw. Here was a woman still limber, and walking like a panther – fluid, effortlessly – and without help where she was going. She was a very small woman; no more than maybe 4′ 8” or so. I was a boy and was already taller than she was. Her hair was braided and wrapped around her waist several times.

Maw-Maw Jay Bird walked up to me and said, “Let me see you child!” She reached out her hands to touch my face. She saw me through her touch. She felt across my shoulders, chest, back and arms. She held my hands and she just glowed in my eyes. When she finished, she introduced me to her daughters, and this began a learning time, a truly amazing life and meaningful experience for me.

Maw-Maw loved having me there. She taught me all kinds of things, and I was all eyes and ears. The garden was made in tiers around one side of the mountain; the other side was all planted in corn. At the top, the homestead was all flat. She had guineas, pheasants, peacocks, and all kinds of chickens on her property. She had a mule, hogs, a milk cow, and some beef cows. Working with animals and birds came natural to me and all of them knew it too, because I loved them all.

The chickens roamed free and ate a lot of bugs.  They served as our pest control in the gardens around both sides of the mountain. We raised them for the eggs and for more chicks. My dad also raised gamecocks, fighting roosters, for selling or trading.

There were all kinds of wildlife too: deer, turkey, mink, raccoons, and groundhogs all over that mountain. Poke salad grew everywhere, and we had apple trees, muscodines, peaches, plums and pear trees.

Maw-Maw had the meanest, biggest dog I have ever seen in my life. That dog guarded the chicken house and the smoke house, and never left that area unless she called him. No one could go near that dog but her and it was bigger than the black bears that roamed around the area. Every animal and bird knew her. She loved them all and they all loved her too.

We had no electricity, no plumbing, no modern anything. Everything was like in the old days – a wood stove, outhouse and water well. We climbed down in the well to place our butter and such to stay cool beside the spring water. There was a crank with a rope to bring water up from the well. Our clothes were cooked and scrubbed clean in a big iron kettle in the yard. Then they were rinsed in a wash tub and run through a wringer that we turned by hand.

We had a wagon, corn crib, tack shed, and plenty of hard work to go around. Protecting the garden became my responsibility. My job was to make sure the rabbits, deer, bears, or anything else didn’t eat the garden up. There was good fishing in a creek and a small spring-fed lake on the backside of the mountain, so we had everything we needed to live.  It wasn’t just the work or responsibilities or knowledge about these things that was so special.

What I loved most were the stories and all the things Maw-Maw taught me about the old ways. I learned about all the different plants she made poultices and medicines from, how to prepare them and when to gather them. Her nose was like a radar; she could smell plants and roots. She would test me, asking what I could see and had me describe them to her. Then she would tell me what each was good for. She also taught me about the moons and how they affect all things. With the help of her daughters, Maw-Maw was a college of knowledge for me to learn from.

Going to town in the wagon was a journey, and I learned to never think that because she was blind she didn’t know everything around her. The only time I knew she was nervous was if a bunch of people were around and she had to move through them. I asked her about it and she said, “I don’t have a problem moving through, I know where I’m going; problem is they don’t know where they are going!”  I laughed till I cried.

Night time was story-telling time when Maw-Maw and her daughters schooled me in the old stories and ways. In bad weather, we stayed in and did things that needed being done, and my schooling continued. They loved me as if I were their own.

Even when I was grown up, they still lived that same way. I will cherish their love, teaching, and all the knowledge they gave me. I pray I can always live up to what they believed in me and all that was given for me to do.

Jewel

Jewel and me having fun

Like all her family, my stepmother, Jewel was very much a country girl. She loved all the animals and birds on the farm, and I loved her. I remember she would go fishing with Dad and me, walking all day long down in the creeks and rivers fishing, and cat-fishing at night and her having a thrill of excitement every time she caught a fish. 

Jewel always made me laugh, never intentionally, it was just her way. She was Doris Day and Lucy combined. Jewel was always very watchful over me; trying to keep me tamed down and civilized. Yes, she tried. I remember one evening about midnight, I was outside the house in town, talking with three young ladies. Now, I admit we weren’t talking about any school work, but Jewel didn’t even ask. She came out with a broom and went to chasing those girls around calling them young hussies. Then she grabbed me by the ear saying, you are way too young to be seeing those type of “young ladies.” I didn’t think so, but my ear needed saving, so I followed where she led me; back inside the house.

Jewel holding a monkey with my sister, Judy in Florida

Jewel loved to cook, and we always had plenty to eat from the farm and vegetables from our big garden. Jewel loved all of us as if we were her own. My mom loved Jewel too. She knew Jewel would do all she could to look after us.

Later, when I was in jail, each week, no matter what kind of weather, Jewel used to walk to come see me on visiting day. Like her mother, Maw-Maw Jaybird, and so many others, Jewel was a big part of my life. Her laughter, her innocence, and her incredible will power made a big difference in teaching me about life. No matter what, Jewel was always willing to believe in me. She never let what the government or police said ever sway her. I remember, she always said, “I believe in you because I know you and your heart.”

~ ~ ~

My dad most loved raising hunting dogs which he kept at Maw Maw’s homeplace. We had all types, and we worked together to train them to be their best. Mostly he had 18-inch and 24-inch beagles, but also, he had blue tick, redbone, walker and feist. Now, the beagles we trained for rabbit, squirrel, and deer. The blue tick and walker we trained for deer and raccoons. The redbone and feist, mostly for squirrels. I never helped him train dogs for hunting birds, though. When I was very small I had a dream about the birds who were led by the eagle. In my dream I was told they would always be my helpers; they would protect and teach me, but I must never hurt a bird or eat any of its flesh. As long as I listened to them and honored them, they would always be my helpers. To this day I have kept that covenant.

Mostly we trained the hunting dogs during the spring, starting them as pups, and then later during the hunting season. When training dogs, it is important to always make sure you get the pups to understand what you want then to do or what to hunt for. Usually we used an older dog to help them along when we worked them.

When Dad had a serious buyer for some of his young dogs, he would usually take them along on a hunt to see how they performed. I remember one time when I was about ten, we had some young coon dogs my dad was selling to some people out of state. We took the dogs out at night to show the buyers what they could do. My uncles, Ellie and Curly came with us to hunt coon on my Great Uncle Oscar’s and Great Aunt Leathee’s place in Blount county. Uncle Oscar went with us too. We hadn’t turned the dogs loose more than five minutes when Blue, our old lead dog, caught a scent and bawled out and we sent the other young dogs to him. After a good run and hunt, the old boar coon had made it to the river and was in a tree out over the river. The dogs were in a frenzy, and the buyers were very happy.

My uncle Ellie told me, “Go up that there tree and shake that coon out.” I looked at my dad and he nodded for me to do just that. So up that tree I went like a squirrel. The coon just kept getting farther and farther out over the river on that limb. I started shaking the limb and then stomping on it with my feet. That old boar got tired of that and he came at me like a true warrior. He jumped straight at me and we went to fighting. Out of the tree I fell with coon biting and clawing me right into the river and the dogs just going crazy. The dogs jumped in the water and started biting my clothes and pulling me in all directions while the coon sat on my head hissing at the dogs and scratching my head with his claws.  I went under to get the coon and the dogs to let go. The coon did and swam away, but the dogs didn’t. They had me stretched out in every direction.

I could hear my uncles encouraging, calling the dogs to hang on and my dad hollering, “Don’t let the coon get away!” The buyers were all laughing, and I was just trying to keep from hurting any of the dogs and not get them drowned.  Finally, I pulled all the dogs under with me and went to the bottom. Most of the dogs let go except old Blue. He had his teeth locked into my shirt, so I surfaced and pulled him to shore with me.

Soon as the dogs spotted me, here they came again. I had had enough of this, so I let out a real loud panther scream. That stopped them dead in their tracks and they went to whimpering. Most folks don’t know this anymore, but a panther’s scream is quite awesome, and will send chills up grown folk’s spines even. 

Old Blue went limp. So, I had to help him. Everybody was busy gathering the dogs up and all laughing, not even knowing poor old Blue was half drowned. I blew my breath slowly into his nose and began pushing on his stomach to get the water out. Kept this up for a minute or two till he puked up all the water he had swallowed. He laid there all tuckered out for a few minutes, getting his breath back before he got up and began walking around. My dad came over and asked me was I okay. Told him I’m alright, just these clothes are pretty tore up and soaked. He laughed and said, “Hey it was a good fight; I knew you could take him, I just didn’t think the dogs would take his side and jump on you too.” He was laughing and so were my uncles. The buyers bought all the dogs except old Blue. He wasn’t for sale.

Dad and me about age 12 or 13

Dad always made sure I learned as much as I could about living off the land. He taught me how to hunt; how to use a rifle, shotgun, and pistol; how to respect these weapons; to carry and handle them carefully.  He also taught me about fishing, farming, preparing meats, preserving meats and vegetables and many other skills. He loved baseball and understood the intrigues of the game and from the time I very young he was teaching me to pitch like a pro. We listened to games at night on the radio and the play-by=play descriptions given by the announcer. My dad really wanted me to become a professional player, but that was never my goal.

My dad was proud that he was Native, but kept it hidden from anyone outside of family. Like all my relatives, he told me we were not supposed to still be alive and living here; that it was illegal for a Native to work or own property, so they all kept it quiet. As I got older and more vocal, he tried very hard to keep me quiet. He was frightened and always told me what they would do to me, but I was hardheaded and determined to make it known who and what I was. I would surely be tested for this and would pay dearly. I wish I could hug my dad and tell him I love him.

All For the Right to Pray (3)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 3 – Growing Up in Florida

By Ghost Dancer

Joyce Beavers Weil

My mother, born Mary Joyce Beavers, was and always has been, a happy-go-lucky person who loves life and loves having fun. She has always been a buffer to the world around me and all of her children. We all got our humor, our pranks, and our love of adventure from her. Not everybody has a mom that would ride a motorcycle, go out dancing with you, and put up with someone like me, never knowing what I was going to do next.

Mom is a natural-born singer and musician as are most of her family. Mom taught me how to play the guitar and even how to sew. Mom is more than a mom to me. She has always been a friend I could talk to about many things.

Joyce with her two oldest Judy and Keith May 1961

A hard worker, Mom was always dedicated to her family. She was the kind of happy person you wanted to be around. Mom taught us all that love is what matters the most. Even though Mom knows my way of life is different, she backs me, and loves me just the same. To describe my mom is to call her a woman of beauty and love. After her divorce from my father when I was four years old, she married my step father, Roger Weil, and our family lived in Ocala, Florida.

Judy, Jackie & Keith 1962

As a child I was always curious and eager to learn. I paid close attention to everyone and everything around me. I was blessed with a very good memory and absorbed everything I saw or heard. When I went to school, learning was all too easy for me. Mom knew I was bored and disruptive in class. They just kept giving me more and more advanced books to study and work to do, mostly sitting in the hall or in the principal’s office. When I learned to read, I devoured anything and everything that interested me.

At the same time, I became keenly aware that often I did not fit in with others of my age very well. I was living in a society that I did not belong in and I felt this even as a child. I knew deep inside that I was Native long before I was even told by my mother or my father. I knew I was different even from my sisters and brother. The blood of my ancestors ran in my body, and it had been calling to me from my earliest awareness.

~~~

Roger & Joyce Weil and children 1965

The story of my early life would not be complete without paying tribute to my stepdad, Roger Weil. Here was a man who married my mother, who already had three kids, and took us all in as a package deal. Not many men would do that, especially back then when money was tight. But he did, and he treated us no different than his own kids. He was my Dad in every sense of the word. There were five of us children all together: my sisters, Judy and Jackie and me, and then along came Greg and Teresa.

Judy, Gregg & Keith at zoo

Roger was the best mechanic I have ever known. When I was very young, he began teaching me all he could about making things instead of buying them. If we needed a tool or machine to do something, he figured it out, and we made something that was just as good, and most times better than what he could have ordered. Dad taught me how to do mechanic work on just about anything from diesel engines to lawn mowers, motorcycles, and boat motors. We fixed transmissions, and he could build a car from scratch from a junk yard. And in fact, we did that quite often. We built our own airboat, ski boat, go carts, mini-bikes, motorcycles, cars, and trucks. We even built our own homes and barns.  Every one of us learned about working and doing our part; not just my brother and me, but the girls too.

We all worked, but Dad made sure we had time to have fun. Some of my best memories are the long summers we spent at Half Moon Lake. Dad also took us traveling to far-away places, like the Great Lakes, Smoky Mountains, Chicago Museum, the Smithsonian, the Grand Canyon, and every beach you can imagine.

My stepdad took his journey a few years ago. We all surely miss him, and we will always have so many memories of the good times and laughter. These are what we hang on to – the good things always. I was not there for Dad when he needed me the most, and it hurt me something terrible because he was always there for me.  Over the years, no matter what prison they sent me to, he always brought Mom and came to see me. I was not his son by blood, but I was by his heart. He was proud of me, just as I was proud of him. We worked well together. Dad loved animals and he loved freedom. It hurt him so much to see me caged. He hated them for doing this to me.

~~~

Ghost Visits Aunt Hazel 2022

Mom’s sister, my Aunt Hazel has always been very cool and supportive of me. As a child she always spoke up for me when this wolf pup got himself in trouble, which for some reason happened quite often. I remember going to visit Aunt Hazel and my cousins, Ronald and Gary, in Alabama. Boy, did they have a lot of cotton fields. I learned real quick I didn’t like picking no cotton. There was a creek and a pond not far from the cotton fields and you can bet you know where I kept slipping off to. I loved swimming. The big difference was the water was muddy and the soil was red. In Florida, the water was either crystal clear spring water, or dark water you can see in. This water had dirt and mud in it, but it was water, so in it I would go, either naked or with clothes, like a young otter ready to play and explore. When Mom got exasperated and started to get on to me, there was Aunt Hazel telling her no, “He is just being natural.”

Aunt Hazel was like Mom and Grandma, they all could sing and play music along with their brother, my uncle David, and they did this all the time. This was our entertainment. We all loved music and playing music. Both her sons, Gary and Ronald, played very good too. Granny played an accordion, organ, piano, and guitar. Uncle David played the guitar and banjo. Aunt Hazel and Mom both could play guitar, organ, and piano. Of course, they all could sing amazing too. Uncle David was the oldest, then Aunt Hazel, Mom and Aunt Kit. 

It didn’t make a difference if we were visiting them in Alabama, or they were visiting us in Florida, music and family were important in our lives, and having fun as well. We always worked together, and having that many people at one place, well that takes skills in organizing and being receptive to suggestions. Having my cousins around was like having older brothers, always showing me things they knew. It seemed to me that all the mothers looked after us all as their own kids. That is Native tradition even if they didn’t realize it at the time.

I grew up fast, and I always had an eye for the ladies. Aunt Hazel was always there to counsel me in many matters of life. When she heard Mom scolding me about all my romantic affairs, Aunt Hazel stepped in to school me in making sure I was eating right and taking enough vitamins. Mom was taken aback, but Aunt Hazel insisted, “Well he surely isn’t going to turn all these ladies away, so my eagle needs to take care of himself!” Mom laughed and said. “Ha-ZZZel!” That is Aunt Hazel, always seeing the good in everyone and everything.

Aunt Hazel has always been proud of her Native blood and heritage and has supported me always in my goals and battles for Native religion and culture. Until my recent release from prison, I had not seen Aunt Hazel since 1995, but we are still very close, and have so much love for each other. One thing everyone, especially family, should know is that Aunt Hazel is dependable always, and family is everything to her. We all love her and always will.

~~~

Grandpa Edgar Beavers

Grandpa Edgar Beavers was a full-blood Cherokee. He was blind and had been since before I was born. He was still kind of wild even then and I came to know him well when he visited my family in Florida and when we visited my Aunt Hazel in Alabama. Grandpa Beavers was a tall man, and I so wanted to grow up to be big like him.

Grandpa was also a wake up for me to know who I was and what I should be doing. Grandpa loved being up late at night. I guess because he was blind, he didn’t mind the darkness of the night and I stayed up with him. It wasn’t always easy, especially in the swamps where we lived at that time. When the mosquitoes were biting me, Grandpa said, “When you want that to stop, I’ll tell you the plant you need.” I told him I wanted to know now. He laughed and told me I had to look for a wax myrtle. I asked what that was, so he described it to me so I would know what I would be looking for in the morning.

Grandpa would talk late in the night, telling me stories of the Cherokee, stories of Selu, the Corn Mother, and so much more. Always, Grandpa said I must never forget my Cherokee history, my blood, and my clan. He instilled in me the knowledge that I had a destiny and a duty, to step up and do what I needed to do. He talked to me as if I were a grown person; he valued my ideas, questions, and opinions. He told me little ones like me all have rights from our people, that we are people too, and many times see things others don’t. Everyone learns from everyone, he said, and when people stop listening to others, knowledge is lost.

Grandpa gave me my first crystal. It was a beautiful power wand crystal, and he taught me how to use it. He spent time teaching me other things too, like the reading of the hands, and how to understand these things, I must practice more and more. He told me about my great grandmother who had these gifts and read tea leaves. Sometimes Grandpa got out his corn cob pipe, and while he smoked he told me about the stars and how the Ani-yun-wiya, or Cherokees, know where they came from. On one clear night, he told me to look for a cluster of stars to the south. I did and he asked if I had found them. When I said, Yes! he told me they were the seven sisters and are called the Pleiades, and we all came from there. Then he told me to close my eyes and feel myself travelling up to them.

Like others had told me, Grandpa talked about how rough it is being a Native when we have to hide who we are. He said people are scared of us; they don’t like to see us because of what they did and they are ashamed. So, they hate us for living and reminding them of what they took from us. Grandpa felt that the majority are influenced by those who have this in their heart but assured me not all are like this. There are many, he said, who have beautiful hearts and I should never forget that.

Grandpa also told me that he could see how different I was than his other grand kids. He said I had a spirit in me that was as wild as a wolf, independent as an eagle, and yet, alone. He sensed my spirit and knew that I was seeing and hearing things that others did not and would never understand. He warned that I must be quiet about these things; that people will fear me and think bad of me, because their own beliefs make them blind to the goodness in my heart. He told me how important it was that I learn how to use my gifts.

So late at night, my grandpa taught me what he knew and how to use what gifts I had been blessed with. He taught me about spirit traveling, which I truly loved. Learning how to walk in the spirit world was a truly powerful experience, and necessary for me to learn these ways. Grandpa might have been blind using normal eyesight, but not using his mind’s eye or letting his spirit free. His senses were attuned even to the air. His nose was like a wolf’s, smelling everything, taking in information. His ears were as sharp as any deer’s. I still remember his words. Grandpa taught me that in life, we can be chained or crippled only if we allow ourselves to be. But we are so specially blessed that if we are lacking in one area, all our other senses and talents kick in over drive and make up for it if we allow them to. He said, “Never say you can’t do something. If you say that, you are crippling yourself from doing anything before you even try.” 

Grandpa was a true inspiration. Our time together kept me always wanting to be back in the old days, living wild and free, living as one and in balance with everything. He taught me how to open my heart to the heartbeat of our Mother Earth and to feel the heartbeat of the forest and the swamp. These were special times. With his fingers, Grandpa read the lines in my hands, and yet I knew that was not all he was doing. He said, “You have a powerful gift with your mind; learn all you can and never stop learning.” These words he spoke and the insights he taught, have stayed with me all my life. I was proud of him, and I still am. He knew without saying that I would not be a “Native in the cupboard,” that my spirit would lead me to stand out and broadcast that we are still here. We live and we will continue to live and survive. In those days, I had a tree house way up in an old oak tree. I would lay up there at night watching the stars and talking to all my relatives who were certainly watching all of us.

I’m not saying that I was taught to challenge society. No, I was just to let people know there are thousands who did not go on the trail of tears from the civilized tribes in the south. We lived and survived despite all that was done to us and despite being hunted. Many of our relatives in Oklahoma don’t even recognize us because we didn’t go. But that doesn’t make us any less Native.

My Grandpa Beavers was truly sad because so much had been lost to the people: religion, ceremonies, languages, history, and culture. But this was by design as he told me because it was and still is, the belief of the government, that to take away a people’s language and religion and culture is to annihilate them. These words stayed with me, so I made it my responsibility to learn every aspect of our Native culture, beliefs, ceremonies, songs, crafts, language, and ways of life that I could, and I’m still learning and trying to protect these things for all our people.

~~~

Ruby Tiger Osceola

I was a free spirit and very adventurous. Not long after my first experiences with Grandpa Beavers, we went to Silver Springs, which was not far from our Ocala, Florida home. There was a Seminole Village at Silver Springs, and me being me, I was not shy about going to talk to the young boys there. I didn’t understand that the part of the village I went to was private, not a part that the tourists could come to, and my first encounter was awkward because the boys just looked at me like I didn’t have any business there.

An elder woman sitting under one of the chickees watched our little standoff. She motioned for me to come over to her. She looked at me for the longest and then motioned for me to sit down near her. I asked her if she lived there. She said no, she didn’t, but that she visits. She said to me, “Many don’t understand what you are, but I do.” This kind woman said I could call her Grandmother Ruby.

Grandmother Ruby called me a Star Child that day. I asked her what she meant, and she told me a story about the blue-eyed Native children. She said we would be different because our own Native people would look at us strangely and so would other races, but all of us are star children. She explained that we are meant to learn as much as we can and remember everything.

“One day,” she said, “You must pass all this on to others.” She told me life would not be easy, but it would make me strong and help in what I would become. “When others say things that hurt you,” she said, “It only hurts if you let it. Just be you and don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are.” Then she said, “I see you as you truly are – a beautiful heart and spirit. Now go have fun with the others.”

I realized she saw me like no other ever had. This was my first experience with Grandmother Ruby, and her acceptance of me broke the barrier with the kids of the village. I began spending more and more time with them. Much later I came to know who this woman was, and how revered Ruby Tiger Osceola was among the Seminole people.

Even though Grandmother Ruby didn’t live there, her understanding of me opened the door for my acceptance. The village became like my second home and Silver Springs was our playground. During these times I knew I ‘fit in’ and my time playing with the Creek and Seminole boys at Silver springs are among my happiest memories. It was always a big occasion when Grandmother Ruby came to the village. I loved hearing her talk and the stories she told made me feel like I was right there, experiencing it all. I could feel her heart glowing with love for all the people and she had a profound effect on my life.

Grandmother Ruby’s words touched me so much as she looked at me; they vibrated throughout my body. I wanted nothing more than to make this Grandmother proud and love me. Her smile could do that to you. I know I will always do my best to honor Grandmother Ruby and her words to me.

Back to Green

Lights In the Distance. . .

Walks’ Outdate – 161 Days and Counting

By Steven Maisenbacher

Walks On The Grass

And not a moment too soon, just as I am getting sick of this Covid protocol that no one in the free world except Talladega was being restricted by, this morning they finally saw fit to end the farce. We breezed through yellow and now are officially back to green. What that means is we basically back to “normal” at least for a minute. We are now allowed to interact with other units, have band room time, free recreation areas and inside hobbycraft. The compound will for all purposes and intents be back to a semblance of order that we have only seen one time in 2 years and that was for less than a month. So tonight I will be going out to the band room, seeing who all has the desire to jam, if any new musicians have gotten here, and how some of the guys I haven’t seen in  months are as well.

It also looks like we will be going outside as a group for pipe ceremony again this weekend and we will have the option to sweat but the lodge is now too decrepit. Instead we will take the big drum out to the sacred grounds and I’ll help the brothers learn to drum and sing more songs. There are whisperings that some wicasa wakan from north of the Mason Dixon line has been contacted about bringing new willows and allegedly he has even offered to come in to help us build the lodge and all.

We will see, it has been my experience that in the past the “spiritual advisors” that these people pick are really no more than “bluecoat spies,” who will run right back to the chaplaincy with everything that the group says, thinks, or feels, delivering the goods so to speak on the groups and more than anything working for the administration’s ends more so than ours. But hey, I’ve been wrong before and I would love to be wrong here as well. I’ll believe when I see.

There are some other issues that have to be ironed out first and I’m gonna try to get that done now with the fellas. I called for a general meeting of the group and we had some serious talks about songs and prayers and abilities to perform sweat lodge ceremonies, pipe ceremonies, and all the things that go along with being in a circle. See, everyone has a place in the hoop and for every person who doesn’t do what they are supposed to, it puts that responsibility on another member of the circle. That’s not good but happens more often than not, so I will try to get some of these things ironed out before we go back to a lodge and attempt to have a full ceremony.

See, I have 7 others here that are all trying to be part of the Native circle. The problem is there are always some that are just in it for what they can get, not what they can put in, or share, or get out of it spiritually. The “what they can get” crowd are the ones who will need to be set on the right path right up front, even if it’s the path to get out of the lodge area. Here’s the bottom line: I am leaving soon and those left behind will be on their own here to either practice in a good way, doing the right things the wrong way and turning what is sacred and beautiful into a fiasco. It’s important to avoid a bunch of infighting and disrespect to the ways, the ancestor’s sacrifices and finally each other.

There are a few brothers who genuinely want to learn and those are the ones I want to try to save and keep around so that the group can learn and practice together in the ways that are as close as we can get here in this iron house. This is not going to be easy, I already know, but I have one major thing on my side. I have the love and worship for the Creator and these ways. I have the songs, the prayers, the ceremonies, but most of all I have the will to keep my faith and spirit and to practice these Native ways and even further, to bring others along for the journey with me and to approach the Creator in peace and beauty, even behind these iron house fences. I will never surrender what I believe to be the way to the Creator, or the path that makes the most sense to me and that fills my soul like no other route ever has – not now, not ever, not for anyone. The trick will be getting rid of the chafe and bringing along a few good brothers for the journey.

So there it is, at least for the time being, we are back to green. . .

All For the Right to Pray (2)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 2 – Invitation to My Nene Cate (Red Road)

By Ghost Dancer

The story I bring to you, dear reader, is about my personal journey and some of the wisdom and insights I have been given over a lifetime. Hopefully my story will resonate with something inside of you and you will understand what it means to be a Southeastern-born, mixed-blood Native American who walks in three worlds. When our inner spirit belongs to our Native heritage, how can we become whole when the ancient traditions have been lost for generations and even our personal appearance does not fit the stereotype. 

Now let me properly introduce myself. My name is Ghost, as I am called, or Ghost Dancer. I’m a simple person, or at least, I see myself as that way. I am one who does not like arguments or conflicts, but despite this, my life has been filled with so many conflicts, I can’t even begin to count them.

My parents divorced when I was four years old. They both remarried. I lived most of my early years with my mother, stepfather, and siblings in Ocala, Florida. My dad and his new wife lived in Alabama where both my parents’ extended families had lived for generations and had deep roots in the hidden story of our Southeastern Native ancestry. Living back and forth between these two families during my most impressionable years gave me a broad variety of experiences and influences. I treasure them all and honor the memory of each of my family and friends who touched my life.

From my earliest years, more than any of my four siblings, I identified strongly with my Native ancestors and longed to know them and live as they had lived. When we walk two paths this way, we feel we will never belong, and a big part of who we are is so missing in our lives. We may have tried to fill this emptiness, going through the motions, but so much inner wisdom of our Native ancestors has been lost and replaced by other traditions that no one knows what to tell you or how to teach you to truly connect.

You have a Native heart or Native spirit inside, just begging to come out and to be accepted, freeing you to enjoy your true self. You may have read a stack of books, some written by people who may be full bloods and enrolled in a federally recognized tribe and yet the words don’t feel right, and they may even put down people like you – half-breeds or others with less “blood quantum,” especially those who don’t “look” Native and cannot prove their heritage. Where do you turn?

See, being Native means being true to who you are as you learn the many different layers of life that you truly have within you. We are all special beings, and we all have many special gifts. All we must do is accept who we truly are and begin living it – not just on one day or for a few hours, but every moment of every single day. 

Fortunately for me, at every stage of life, I was given the opportunity to meet and learn from many wise elders and participate in experiences that helped me find my way. I was born to be one with nature. This has always been and still is my world. The world of nature is where so much knowledge is learned and taught. Every part of nature, every creation, is simply being the natural self. There are no false faces, no hidden agendas, no lies or deceit, no greed or judgment of others. This is where my heart has always been, no matter the circumstances or where I am.

Like many families here in the Southeast, my relatives and families had lost their knowledge of the old ways: language, songs and ceremonies. I made a pledge to my ancestors and to my family that I would seek and find these and bring them back to us. I prayed and asked Spirit to please help me in this, and I would make sure the knowledge would be shared with my Native relatives, my family, and all people.

Even as a youngster, I was very emotional. I never could stand to see anyone trying to bully or hurt someone smaller, weaker, or handicapped. I had more than my share of fights defending the helpless ones against abusers, but I was always large for my age and very strong, so most of the time this gained me a certain respect. Inside, I always knew my spirit was telling me it was my duty to protect all living beings who couldn’t protect themselves.

As I grew and met different people who influenced and helped me on my path, I was so thankful. My prayers were answered. More than anything, I wanted to know who I was, to learn and to keep alive the old ways of my ancestors. So, I made a promise to Spirit that if I was given those who would teach and guide me, I would use all this knowledge and share it with those who truly want to learn and appreciate the opportunity as much as I did.

I have lived my whole life as Native. This is who I am from my very core even though I may not look like anyone’s idea of what Natives are supposed to look like. Now, to those who are ignorant of the true Native beliefs, this may be a problem, but those who truly walk the nene-cate, the red path, know it is not appearance or degree of blood that matters, but the truth revealed through a person’s own heart and spirit.

This path has not always been easy and there have been many times I felt I would never get to fulfill my promise. In my early teens, I got involved with the American Indian Movement. The experiences I had were a tremendous help to my understanding of who I am as a Native and a human being but would also lead to much trouble for me and my family, and ultimately, decades in prison for me. For many years, living a miserable prison existence, I did not understand my true path in life. I could not figure out why I had to go through all the ordeals, and I often wondered what the lesson was that I must learn. But learn I did.

To find balance on my path and life I learned that I had to let my spiritual walk be in control no matter how difficult my struggle. Spirit did not abandon me. Spirit provided the teachers and helpers I needed through my darkest hours. For this I will be forever grateful; most of all for the love of my precious wife, Cat Dancing, my soul mate, my War Woman. Without her abiding love and tireless sacrifice fighting alongside me, I would not have even survived, much less triumphed over the forces of evil determined to destroy me.

So when I say I walk in three worlds, the first two – the Native and that of our present dominant white culture – are obvious, and everyone who feels this must reconcile where they fit in. But Spirit has guided me through every hardship, every lesson I needed to learn, and for me, walking in the third world – the spiritual world as my Native ancestors experienced it – is where I find peace and love and happiness.

Being put in prison for decades when you are truly innocent is not a life anyone would ever want to go through. Yet I came to understand this too was an opportunity to learn and experience so much more. I have met so many brothers from many different tribes and nations, and I learned from them all. By participating together in all ceremonies and activities, we all shared our own knowledge and learned the ways and songs of different peoples.

Then there were the spiritual leaders who came to visit the prisons, remarkable people such Grandfather Ken Pallis, Grandmother Deloris Tabia Santha, and Black Eagle. Everyone knows “the rock man,” the only man ever arrested for bringing rocks to a prison for the brothers to have for a sweat lodge. I will be forever grateful for the elders from all over who came and spent time with us, to mentor us and teach us both inside the sweat lodge and outside. 

In telling my story, I want to share with you my memories of some of the truly great mentors and teachers I have met and learned from during my lifetime. For me to experience all this, and over time, gradually being schooled and prepared by all these elders, I knew they were guiding me and teaching me to pass on to others what I have made my own. This means a person takes what is taught to them and finds their own way of understanding through spiritual searching and stepping into the spirit world and seeking answers to the deeper questions.

As I learned from a wise elder many years ago, there is a difference in understanding something and in knowing something. I began teaching on the outside to those who were searching and seeking respectfully and sincerely. I have continued this in prison by counseling brothers, teaching as much as I can about cultural and religious traditions, and by passing on my knowledge of crafts and physical conditioning. In this way, I’m doing my best to fulfill my promise to Spirit and to my ancestors.

Over the years, I have become known and recognized as a spiritual leader and teacher of Native culture, both in the free world and in prisons, by those spiritual and religious leaders and teachers who are already well known and recognized across the Native nations and worlds. This recognition did not come easily. It had to be earned by living the walk; learning and practicing the old ways of teaching and guiding others.

This is my journey and now that I have been granted a compassionate release so that I might find healing for my own ruined health from years of abuse and neglect within the prison system, I would like to share the full story of my life and much that has happened along the way. I believe it’s important that people truly understand the struggles Native people have had in our prisons and realize that government oppression is just as real now as it has been throughout history. Only by educating ourselves can we hope to create a better world.

I have a dream of one day having a place where all those who have a true desire and loving heart can come to learn and experience the sacred old ways for walking in balance and becoming one with all that is, a place where beauty and love is everywhere. I pray you will walk with me now and I will tell you my story.

 Mvto (thank you), Ghost

All For the Right to Pray (1)

Part One – Walking in Three Worlds

Chapter 1 – Ghost Dancer Speaks to the Court

Ghost Dancer

On September 1, 1995 after a mere two-day trial in the Federal Court, Northern District of Florida and on the flimsiest of circumstantial evidence, a Native American man known as Thunder Eagle Ghost Dancer was found guilty of robbing two banks. He was sentenced to 35 years in federal prison.

From trial transcripts – At sentencing Ghost Dancer delivered this speech to the court:

Your Honor, I have to state that I am not guilty. I don’t know why this man here repeatedly attacked my witnesses as being liars when the record shows there was no lies ever proved…

Since my release from prison I have spent and dedicated my life to my people. And there’s many letters that you received that can verify that fact. I don’t live for your money. I don’t care about your money. To me, my freedom and helping my people means everything to me. And for this man to sit here and call my witnesses liars hurts, because I know those people are spiritual people as well.

My past, I did my time. I think I did rough time. I was sentenced to some of the most maximum security prisons this country has… Why? Because I fought for Native American rights, Native American religions in your Federal courts in Birmingham, Alabama; Montgomery, Alabama; Mobile, Alabama. Eleventh Circuit my name is known. Why? Because somebody had to make a stand. This is what I’ve dedicated my life to, to use your laws the right way. I used [to belong] to AIM, American Indian Movement. I’m still proud of my people that fought for all the executions that took place at Pine Ridge. They had no other choice, Your Honor.

Knowledge and education was a great goal to me, to get the education I needed to help my people. Inside of those prison cells I fought for Native American religious rights. Sometimes doing 90 days with no food because they wanted to try to break that. The whole time I kept litigating, litigating and it proved a point. In a court of law, I could get justice…. You sit in the judgment of me today. That is your right. But listen to the true evidence. There is none. None whatsoever. A child could listen to the evidence that was presented here to this courtroom and understand something is desperately wrong here. Desperately wrong.

It’s my understanding in law…there has to be a burden of proof on these people to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. There isn’t no way that there is not doubts…Mr. Lonnie Cox, the FBI agent from Mississippi testified he had no evidence whatsoever. But now that’s not what this man let that man over there say to all those people inside there [Grand Jury]. Misled to get an indictment. Misled the jury like here. Always misleading them. One day he’s going to have to answer for that. And I hope God has mercy on you for what you’ve done. I don’t hate you, Mr. Knight. I feel sorry for you…

I know you have a job to do. I have a job to do. I have a job to stand up for the Spirit, listen to the God All Mighty, Great Spirit, or whatever name that people use for Him. I walk a spiritual path and where he leads me I shall go.

There’s been some victims in this incident here, and I feel sorry for those at the bank that had to go through that. But there’s more than those victims. There’s the victims of my family, my wife, my people. It’s a victim of the American public having things such as what Mr. Knight [Federal prosecutor] and Mr. Tierney [FBI Special Agent] pulled be allowed in this country. They’re supposed to symbolize to everybody justice and freedom. People who have totally disregarded their oath of office, abused and done illegal acts using authority of the government. It is sickening. It is sickening.

Just for the record, it may not mean nothing to you, it may not mean nothing to him, but this fight is not over. I will fight for truth and justice no matter where it’s at, whether it’s for myself, whether it’s for another Native American somewhere, whatever. And if they think for some reason they can just put me away just because I’m an activist who stands by the law and order – and I do go by the laws of this land and the laws of God and the laws of my Nation. Putting me away inside of a prison cell didn’t stop me before to get things done. And they can go on with their little games as they have done since the beginning of history – of taking away the leaders or those who stand up strong and thinking that you cast them out of sight, your problem is over with. But this problem is just going to be like a sore toe. Every time he turns around it’s going to be bumping him back, because I trust in Him. I cannot trust in man because man is known to deviate. I was a man of flesh. In the past I did illegal things. But not no more. I thank you for this time you have given me to say what I had to say.

~~~

On June 17 and 18, 1996, Ghost Dancer was tried in Federal Court, Northern District of Mississippi on a charge of money laundering. His crime? A little more than two weeks after the bank robberies in Florida, Ghost Dancer walked into a Mississippi casino. An imposing figure standing a good 6’ 6” inches in his boots and dressed in Native regalia replete with jewelry Ghost quickly caught the eye of the casino staff. Moving confidently toward a Haywire slot machine Ghost had just one thing on his mind – to test a theory he had worked out in his mind to beat the machine. With casino staff standing around Ghost began playing and within a couple hours, sure enough he won a $1600 jackpot. Overjoyed by his success, Ghost happily submitted his correct name and address for the IRS. The next day marked bills from one of the Florida bank robberies turned up in numerous machines in the casino. A few small bills were also found in the machine Ghost played. Casino management called the FBI and Ghost’s jackpot win turned into a twisted railroading nightmare of monumental proportions.

At sentencing, the court gave Ghost the option to plead guilty. In return his 5-year sentence would be set to run concurrent to his Florida sentence. Ghost scoffed at that offer telling the court he would not tell a lie about something he did not do.

From Trial Transcripts:

The Court: So, Mr. Johnson, basically you had an offer from the government to recommend a concurrent sentence, which the Court told you it would accept, and you refused it…you refused the plea bargain…You took up three or four days which cost the government a lot of money.

Ghost: Would the Court rather have me lie?

The Court: No, I’m not suggesting that you should lie at all.

Ghost: That is basically what it comes down to, whether a man is supposed to get up and lie to you, lie to the court and plead to something he didn’t do, or sit there and fight the case for justice. One or the other… I think history speaks for itself…I am a man that speaks the truth.

The Court: The jury believed that you were lying and I believe that you are lying…Are you telling me that you would rob a bank, but you wouldn’t lie?

Ghost: If I had robbed a bank, I would have told them…The Court has made up its opinion; that is the Court’s opinion. Everybody has opinions. I live by principles, and that is what matters to me.

The Court: I’m sure you do.

~~~

So in turn Ghost’s 5-year sentence was set to run consecutive, making his total sentence 40 years. Since the federal government does not provide an opportunity for parole, Ghost was in essence given a life sentence for crimes he did not commit.

Welcome to Ghost Dancer’s NENE CATE, his Red Road journey. Chapters to come will reveal Ghost’s whole and true story from his earliest formative years through all the trials, difficulties and triumphs during more than 40 years as a Native American activist and prisoner in the American system of justice. Anyone who claims Native heritage, honors or respects Native Peoples, their history and their struggles will want to read every chapter of “ALL FOR THE RIGHT TO PRAY.”

Sometimes following the path you are given by that small voice within has painful consequences. Follow it anyway. This is the essence of faith and THE WAY to discover your true purpose in life. The small voice is "That of God" in everyone. epd

All Thoughts, comments will be appreciated and Ghost will respond to reader’s questions. Edna Peirce Dixon, Editor