Part Five – Sweet Freedom
Chapter 23 – Bittersweet Memories
2015 Conversations – Cat Dancing, Ghost Dancer, EPDixon
EPD: Now I know that at some point Ghost got word that he was about to be arrested and that may be when you went to Canada… Neither of you has mentioned that.
CAT: I’m having trouble finding the words to express myself. Yes, it’s an awesome story there too.
EPD: I don’t really know any details except that they took him away and you had to find your way back home with the wolves.
CAT: That is another story, yes!
EPD: Yep, thought so… we’ll save that one for later….
CAT: I have to tell you on my way back I broke down in the middle of nowhere in Alaska.
EPD: ALASKA? Were you two in Alaska when Ghost was arrested?
CAT: Yes, near Alaska. [at the border] They took him to Fairbanks. After they arrested him I went on into Alaska alone.
EPD: OH MY GOSH…. I know this isn’t funny, but you know that TRUTH is far more interesting than FICTION! And this is a whopper.
CAT: I stayed in the parking lot of Alaskaland, a theme park in Fairbanks. A nice security guard helped me; let me hang out with him in his security booth and let me shower in the showers next to the stage where people perform and sing. Anyway that’s another story.
EPD: Indeed it is…
CAT: I had told him what happened and he felt so bad for us.
EPD: And you drove all the way back to Florida in that old truck all by yourself?
CAT: I drove back by myself with the wolves. Took me 6 days.
EPD: ONLY 6 days?
CAT: It normally takes 10 days. I drove straight thru; stopped where the truckers were on the side of the road and slept an hour and went on again.
EPD: Just driving clear across the continental US like that is amazing all by itself.
CAT: I wish I had kept a diary. It was very emotional; I cried off and on all the way home but was strong too.
EPD: YOU absolutely AMAZE me!
CAT: I never got lost. I hung out there in Alaska so I could visit Ghost there in jail. It’s quite a story. It was an adventure!
EPD: Through some of the most isolated rugged country …
CAT: Not as bad as you think.
EPD: I’m falling out of my chair in amazement.
CAT: On the way back I was in the Snowy Mountains. I wondered if I needed snow chains on my tires, but I got thru it just fine. Then when I got down to the bottom of the mountain there was no snow. A different world! Something told me I’m gonna wish I wrote a diary on my way back.
EPD: Don’t even try to tell it now… just think about it and let the memories come back to you…
CAT: I had to stop in the middle of nowhere in the world to sleep. So the safest place was I would find a couple truckers on the side of the road and I would sleep there then go again.
EPD: Did the wolves ride in the cab with you? And did you have trouble managing them?
CAT: They got car sick after a while. I did fine with them they kept me company.
EPD: What did you feed them?
CAT: Canned dog food. I fed them with a spoon like a human.
EPD: I remember that story about teaching them table manners. LOL
CAT: Yep they were very good eating from a spoon. I didn’t have a doggy bowl.
EPD: And what did you eat on this trip?
CAT: I don’t know what I ate. Good question.
EPD: And did you ever run out of gas?
CAT: No, I made sure I had gas.
EPD: Just looked up the distance between Fairbanks and Pensacola – 4,300 miles!
You have blown my mind girl…
CAT: I blew my friend’s minds; they were amazed I never got lost. I cried off and on all the way back home. The only thing that helped me thru and cheered me up is when Shunka made funny faces in the wind.
EPD: I would never, ever have the courage and gumption for survival that you had!
CAT: When you are alone you have to do what you have to do. I never got lost one time I can’t believe it. I followed the map, kept glued to it.
EPD: Do you remember about when you two left to go up there and how long before Ghost was arrested.
CAT: No, I will have to meditate. See this is the first time I have talked about it in years. I tried not to think about any of it cause it was so tragic losing Ghost the way I did. I went into a horrible depression. I tried to forget everything; the memories so I could pull myself out of depression. I blocked most everything out. It was so hard.
This is when Ghost and I decided to let each other go. I prayed about it, asking if I should let Ghost go. See I was a very loyal type woman. I kept him in my life how can I desert him after what happened to him.
Anyway, after I ended my prayer I heard a voice and looked around. No one was there; the voice said let him go. I felt a weight lift off me; I felt relief. It was a voice of the Great Spirit. Never had I experienced this before. The spirit wanted me to let him go, but it was because I was dying inside. I can’t explain it.
EPD: The future looked so hopeless then… a normal reaction… And it was all so unfair…
CAT: I was young and knew he was going to be in there the rest of his life. They were not going to leave him alone.
EPD: What you were suffering was just as much PTSD as what he suffered. We have a name for it now.
CAT: Where you have flash backs?
EPD: And you are now working through the process of healing…
CAT: Yes, it’s been very painful to talk about even with you.
EPD: All people who suffer traumatic experiences go through all this…
CAT: At first it was painful, but I’m feeling a little better.
EPD: Soldiers in war, people who are tortured or raped, people who experience all that you experienced… working so hard for so long and then have the rug ripped from under your feet…
CAT: Yes!
EPD: You are healing that pain little by little…
CAT: Ghost and I always said Ghost was RIPPED from me!
EPD: And I am SO PROUD OF YOU. BOTH OF YOU…
CAT: Ripped from a life together we dreamed of for 11 years I waited for him.
EPD: Yes! But Spirit is not finished with this story yet…
CAT: Thank you.
EPD: Spirit needs you to be proud of all you have endured… never feel shame… and work to help finish this story as one of the triumph of LOVE and justice. YOU must OWN your story!
CAT: Ghost wanted to let me go because he saw what it was doing to me. I would not let him go. I could not. Then it took its toll on me; that’s when I prayed about it.
EPD: Tragic though it may be, it is your life story and it has not all been in vain.
LOVE TRIUMPHS OVER ALL ADVERSITY!
CAT: Amazing the people who crossed my path along the way. An old man let me stay at his place. He used to be the Chief of a tribe. I met him at the flea market. He was an amazing carver/artist; best I’ve ever seen…Just amazing the people who were put in my path.
EPD: Yes, that is enough for today… Will you start gathering your memories of all this?
CAT: When Ghost and I were together at a psychic show he was doing, this man gave me one sample reading. I never forgot it. He said, I see a pen; you will be writing a book someday. Well books are hard; I don’t think I can do that. Perhaps if Ghost got out we could do that.
EPD TO GHOST: Well another day gone, and Cat really outdid herself relating her memories… She got off on talking about your adventures in BC and Alaska… Now, as she said, that is another whole story, but she told me enough to make my jaw hit the ground. I asked her to think about what actress she wanted to play her in this amazing movie of your lives. True life is always better than fiction. She said when you get out, she wants the two of you to write a book together about your amazing story. I know of a “ghost” writer/editor who works for hugs. LOL
GHOST: Thank you for sharing this with me… Talked to our girl this morning. Just wanted to hear her voice and give her strength. But in truth she always has been my strength. No matter what has been done to me, she has always been my strength to endure, to survive, to push on, and to win. I know I can’t say these things out for others to hear or read but it is the truth… I’m working on my legal stuff this week preparing things to attack soon.
EPD: I’m so glad you are moving forward with your legal preparations. [Note: Legal challenge of two illegal life sentences in Alabama 1983 – See Ch. 16]
GHOST: Did she tell you that we had an old motor home that kept breaking down in the most remote places and that we had to fix it in the rain or in snow? Or that when we were in the Canadian Rockies it was snowing terribly and there was no road and no gas station anywhere and we were pulling her car, so we had to take the car off. She tried following me and I slung mud all over her and buried her and the car in mud and snow!! LOL And she and I tried off-roading in a motor home LOL and ran out of gas and I had to walk in the snow for hours; left her and the wolves to find gas!
EPD: Now, I’m laughing out loud! Oh Lord! Cat deserves a gold medal for patience with you! No, she didn’t mention the motor home at all or what the heck you were doing up there in the first place. She mostly told of driving back 4,300 miles alone with the wolves! There is definitely a huge story yet to be told… You two have amazing daring do!
GHOST: Hey Cat crawled up under the motor home with me in the mud and helped change the spark plugs! Oh, and don’t forget to ask her about the fox that was a mommy and came to us needing food. She was beautiful. This was in the rez just north of Hazelton, B.C. And ask her about all the wild horses, sheep, elk and all we saw camping out in the wilderness, in such remote places that none of the animals were scared or leery of us. Yeah it was a journey. Be sure to ask her about the beautiful lakes, mountains we saw.
EPD: Yes, I see it all through your eyes… and I know Spirit led you there, no matter what. This was something you desperately needed to do and I’m so glad you can carry these beautiful memories always.
GHOST: I got wind that I was wanted for something later after I had already begun my journey. Remember this, no warrant was issued until In May 1995. An APB (All Points Bulletin) and a BOLO (Be on the look out) were issued in May. I was warned in Idaho by a deputy sheriff and the sheriff that the Feds were trying to say I was involved in the Oklahoma City bombing. Yes, they even put this in the newspapers in Florida. They listed me as John Doe #3.
It was an elaborate way to get everyone to turn against me. It back fired on them though. But yes, I knew before hand they would try something. I told others they would; the spirits told me they would put me away for a long time till no one would even know me any more! I asked those I thought would be my friends to look out for Cat and help her when this happened. None actually believed this would happen, but the ones I thought would be my friends turned out not to be. They wanted Cat out of the picture; they had motives of their own. Figured they could make a lot off of me. Boy, were they wrong.
EPD: Now in hindsight I am just glad you had a chance to make that trip and enjoy true wilderness freedom for a little while. I remember reading in some of your legal papers that Cat owned the motor home, but she didn’t mention how she acquired it or driving it back home. So what became of it? Did she have to leave it in Fairbanks?
GHOST: Cat bought the motor home from the money I won from the casinos. Before I won the jackpot that had to be reported to the IRS, I had won more than $15,000 in one day as we came back from the mine. Then we also made a good profit at a flea market down below mom’s each day for 2 days selling crafts and crystals. We had put out lots of flyers and had to have Mom, Greg, Aunt Hazel, my step dad, nieces and nephews help us at the flea market that weekend. So we made a lot of money that weekend.
As soon as we got back to Florida, I spotted the motor home at the dealership and made the deal for it. It was a small Winnebago, about 17 years old. Cat paid cash for it. It needed a lot of work and my step dad helped me with that. We planned to use it for our business travels around the country to pow wows and psychic shows.
EPD: Was your plan to return to the little house in the country that Cat spoke about as being a happy place for you all?
GHOST: I had planned on building Cat and me a home after we made enough so I could buy some land for us so that we could live in peace and I planned to build the medicine wheel and inipi areas.
EPD: What became of the truck you loved?
GHOST: The green wolf truck blew the engine in it. I was planning to fix it after we got back home, but I was arrested. Cat had to sell it to survive. She had to sell the motor home in Alaska; that man beat her out the money and she did not get near what he said he would pay. Eventually she couldn’t make the payments on her car so she let it go and bought another old truck and later a van to continue selling crafts at pow wows and such to survive!
EPD: I do not believe Spirit is finished with your stories yet. Cat told me that at one of your gatherings for psychics, she received a free reading and the person told her she would write a book in her future. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but long ago I went to see the psychic, Bobby Drinnon. He told me there would be two Indians in my future. I finished my mission with one, but a lot remains to be seen with the second. I’m keeping my eye on the Red Stick even though I really have no clue what I can do.
GHOST: Just know that Spirit does everything for a reason. Spirit truly blessed me when he put both you and Jack in my path and life. Thank you for being you!
~~~
EPD TO CAT: Forgot to mention, Ghost said to ask you about the time he saved you from the Grizzly bear… did you get upset because you thought he was trying to kill it for its claws or something?
CAT: Well, he thinks he saved me from the bear, guess he thought I was gonna go run up and give the bear a hug. lol! I just wanted to toss him a banana. The bear ran away when I tossed it to him…wonder if he ever came back for it. Do bears even like bananas? lol Oh, Ghost wouldn’t hurt that bear, he won’t even hurt a bug.
I remember a little about the problem they were having in British Columbia. We visited that tribal place. Ghost visited with them; me being shy I wondered off walking around enjoying the nature checking things out watching little Canadian Indian kids play…thought what it would be like to have a little Ghost Dancer running around someday. I was fascinated with Canada. It was awesome when we traveled the nature dirt road route. The stores were like little old cabin stores run by the Canadian Indians. Didn’t have a lot in the stores. They looked poor but happy. This was out in the middle of nowhere. You would hope to make it to the next gas station. Good to take an extra can of gas.
In Canada I was amazed how tame the wild moose and deer were there. Oh I saw lots of wild moose on the side of the road. Ghost would say look they are not scared and the Moose know… lol! They were protected in that area and were not allowed to be hunted is what Ghost told me. Ghost went and laid down in the tall grass one night and came back told me how a deer came up to him. He lay there very still. It was a magical time traveling thru Canada. Even though we ran out of gas and I ended up with a busted windshield taking the nature route. I liked it in Canada; I thought the people were so nice there.
Ghost and I stopped at a store in town. I was needing help so I yelled out “Mam, Mam” could you help me find something? She gave me and Ghost a funny look and I didn’t know what I had said wrong. She knew I didn’t know, she said “Did you know you called me “lady of the night?” That’s what “Mam” means. I said I was sorry, but she knew we were not from there. I was amazed cause back home we say mam and sir all the time. I never forgot that.
The water there was the color of turquoise. I stopped there and parked in the road on my way back thru (without Ghost) in the middle of nowhere; got out walked the wolves… that should tell you there was no traffic. I was out there all alone in this wilderness with the wolves. I remembered my friends asked me to bring them back souvenirs I thought about them even though I was still devastated that Ghost was arrested. I picked up some pretty rocks size of a golf ball. I cried some while picking them up feeling lost without Ghost. I was bringing them a piece of Canada for souvenirs. Oh and they did let me thru the border with the rocks.
~~~
Feb 3, 2015
GHOST: I feel Cat’s pain, it isn’t just for me it is for her too. No one seems to hear her or sees her as she tries to express how she feels. She feels the world is blocking her because of all the badness that is everywhere. The strands of the web have her entrapped in the gloom of the future which she is uncertain of.
Please share this with Cat
For Those Who Worry
In darkness I still see the light of love which shines from the heart;
No bars, no fence, no guard, no pain, can stop the freedom of love,
I’m free in my mind and heart and always will be.
I’m a spirit which many cannot see or understand.
But the light of love that is in me shines brighter than the sun.
I am always one with everything – my mind, my spirit is stronger than any doubt of the future.
I live each day as maybe my last, each day is precious to me, the future will be as it will be.
I don’t worry because I’m just me! Maybe one day they will see!
Two Kindred Souls
Your kindred soul needs to feel secure and accepted and better understood.
Her life has seen things that come from only truly feeling alone.
Inside, her mind has fears that only a true loving heart will heal
Flying in thoughts of darkness, her spirit soars above and beyond, yet it touches home.
What she wishes to say but can only say when she is alone.
Talking words of sorrows, it strikes deep to the bone
Listen kindred spirit for the calling that you hear from someone who is very near,
Who loves you and understands and always gives you room.
You must open your heart to those around you, so just like a flower you can truly bloom.
That which you are missing will come forth. Your life will be filled with so much joy!
Journeys of the Spirit 