Head Wiper Offer

Lights In the Distance. . .

Outdate – 168 Days and Counting

By Steven Maisenbacher

Walks On The Grass

well as you all know, I quit my job in the factory, but… here we are a month later and I’ve had about enough of laying around napping and reading. Since it’s the feds where everybody works except the actual employees, I thought I’d like to have a little “retirement job.” For some reason they won’t let me be a greeter at Walmart, but I have been given a new job. It doesn’t pay anything much but it does keep me busy for a little while since we can’t go out to recreate.

See, it’s like this, the scuttlebutt was the kitchen needed 4 a.m. shift workers, so I went to see the counselor who is in charge of “work assignments” and told him my situation. See, I’ve got a whole list of medical conditions and proscriptions, so I told him I wanted a job working in the unit doing something light, like wiping something off and then I’ll have a job. Otherwise I would have to go to medical and argue for the medical un-assigned due to my back, my restrictions and my age. I just did not want him to try to put me in the kitchen or somewhere that is gonna end up with me getting in trouble for not working when it can be easily avoided. So he told me he would re-structure his orderlies and put me on wiping down maybe the tables in the unit or the phones or a banister on the stairs, something light. Therefore I am now a bona-fide wiper offer guy! Ain’t that special?

Actually I’m glad I got this cuz I would not be at all amused were they to wake me up at 4 am in the morning to go to work in the chow hall. The staff there don’t care a bit for my outspoken nature that just refuses to take any crud from them or not speak up when I think something is wrong. Now I know that sometimes a closed mouth wins the shouting contest and I also know it keeps me from going to the hole for insolence, but I just ain’t that kind of man. I think that the Creator wants us to warrior up and stand for what we believe in even if its gonna get us in a crack. There it is, I’d rather crawl into the afterlife a warrior than ride a horse of cowardice thru the clouds, so I am now the wiper offer guy.

But I am also able to see that it’s not so different metaphorically from what I have done with the last couple of decades. See I’ve spent all this time cleaning up the mess I made of myself and finally in the end, or rather at some point, I ended up a clean slate, tabula rasa, and was able to finally understand all that I had absorbed of the things I had been studying and trying to learn. OK, so its silly to try to equate wiping off a table with the changes in my life, but hey, can’t blame me for trying and at least I copped to it. Smile. But for real, I’m kinda pleased with my little make-work type of excuse for a job. It gives me something else to do during the day for about 8.3 minutes and keeps me from the greater evil, the kitchen, or even worse, food service. I don’t even like to go there to eat let alone get up a 4 am to prep for a breakfast. And you’ve got to know, I’m not the most personable in the bright and early. so, I’ll just get my cleaning rag and be ready to wipe the tables at the end of the evening here in the unit…and keep on concentrating on where I need to be at in my mind and spirit.

Now since this is kinda short and I won’t be talking about the latest kitchen drama I avoided, I will dazzle you with another of my creative recipes. . .

Square Bowl Clam Slam

Mmmmmmm… No you can’t have any!!!! Make your own. Ok I’ll make it with you so you will know how…

You will need:

A square or rectangular bowl.

A bag of smoked baby clams.

1/4 jar of mixed peppers.

A crackhead (top ramen) shrimp soup.

A big ole dollop of gouda cheese spread.

First, smash the soup up into a gazillion little noodles by slamming it onto the floor or the counter.

Put into square bowl.

Add the clams, peppers and cheese spread.

Now here’s the tricky part – pour in some piping hot water and stir thoroughly to melt the cheese spread.

Cover and allow to sit for 5 minutes

Open stir and slam it on down the hatch!!! It’s that simple and it defies logic how good this super-fast super cheap meal is. I mean c’mon, the most expensive ingredient is the clams at 1.35 a bag. Add the rest and it might add up to a couple dollars.

Oh, I almost forgot, get a roll/sleeve of crackers, I prefer the Ritz type but for a more eastern seaboard type experience you could get saltines, and if ya really wanna be all “hoity-toity” you could put in some of those little packs of “oyster crackers” you took with ya from the last seafood joint ya chowed down at. LOL.

But for real, you will really love this and it can be increased per person by adding a bag of clams and soup and all the other stuff, so try it out. I know you’ll do as I did and “slam” the whole bowl..

Boney appetteettyy!!!!!!

Published by Sings Many Songs

I'm an 80-something child of the great depression and WWII. Throughout my life I have been a seeker, an outsider, never quite belonging anywhere, still always looking through cracks in the fences of life, questioning, challenging, learning, trying to make sense of the world and its conventions. A lifelong student with many interests and a love of writing and editing, my elder's path led to encouraging and assisting some remarkable people to write out their amazing stories. This calling became the magic elixir that keeps me growing, keeps me alive.

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