Why Do I Do This?

Lights In the Distance. . .

Walks’ Outdate – 147 Days and Counting

By Steven Maisenbacher

Walks On The Grass

Well, once again I am my own worst enemy. Seems I just can’t help but get caught up in these traps of my own creation. It’s like this, I was on here a while ago reading an email that “Sings Many Songs” sent me from another Native brother so after I read it and responded (I answer all emails…usually), I go out of that section and into the dang institutional bulletin board where I see that “Re-entry” has posted a bulletin titled “Health care when you are released.” I know, right? No! don’t do it Walks…too late!

I click on it and I’m hit with a 14-page memo about insurance and Medicaid and Medicare and whosits care and whatsitscare and I don’t care…but actually I do, cuz I’m a good one for stress. See I will think of a speedbump and before it’s over I (in my mind) have hit it and torn the frame out from under me and am sittin on the side of the road. In other words, I will worry an issue like a gator on a bait line, tossin’ turnin’ spinnin’ and freakin’ the %$#& out, thinking of all the possible scenarios and what nots and driving myself crazy with it till inevitably I resign myself to just saying,  aww to hell with it, ill burn that bridge when I get to it.

The problem is, it seems like this is gonna be a big deal; seems everyone I have talked to about the insurance, the Medicaid or Medicare, the Social Security disability, all the things I’ve gotta have within months of my release, I know nothing about. It’s not as though I haven’t worked all my life…it isn’t my fault that the prison system treats us like slave labor and doesn’t even pay into SS retirement benefits for Unicor workers.

So my remedy is like this, once I get to the halfway house I will get into the yellow pages (if there is still such a thing) and look up the lawyers that handle social security issues and start making appointments, at least seeing who could or would help me. I know they are out there like flies on a chicken bone, but I will just have to wait till I get there. Then there is the fact that I’ve got to do all this in the first 90 days and also get my driver’s license, get enrolled in college, figure out how I’m gonna get back and forth to these places. College is too far to walk or ride a bicycle to, and I’ll have to figure out how to get a car, then there is insurance and fuel for that as well, gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrr……

All these headaches, and all these things I know I’m gonna have to have, do or figure out, so…. here’s what I’m gonna do as well. Now is the time, if anybody’s reading my scribbles, I’m reaching out to you. I’ve got the need to know anything you can share with me on these type of things, and how to get them or make it less of a hassle to get them. If you know of any shortcuts that work or ways of by-passing any red tape, anything that may help me in this, any organizations that could or would help me in my needs. I already know to try to find an attorney that handles the social security things but there are other things that I don’t know about so if you have any experience with any of the things you think I may need please by all means reply to this here however you do it, (I’m not even sure how this works) but if you can get the info back to this site for me, I am sure that “Sings” can copy and paste it to me on this Trulinks thing, and there it is.

I’m so stubborn about a lot of things, I hate asking for help but I have to humble myself, so I am doing so now. It’s not too late.. stand up! Make the move.. help save “Walks On The Grass” from his own worry wart self. I sure would appreciate any and all info or input you can get me… Till next week, I’ll wait here… lol.

Published by Edna Peirce Dixon

I am an elder in my 9th decade. I have lived an ordinary life, I’ve done all the ordinary and expected things, went to school, got married, raised a family, tried to be a good person. Throughout this life I have also been a seeker, an outsider by nature, always looking through cracks in the fences of life, questioning, challenging, learning, trying to make sense of the world and its conventions. Then in my golden years, as I sought to find meaning in my existence, some unexpected things happened and I’ve since learned it took a lifetime to prepare me for the challenge to come. My journey – indeed my calling - led me to come to know a remarkable man who happened to be an inmate in federal prison. Nothing could have been more foreign to my personal experience. GHOST DANCER Communicating daily for nearly nine years I had the opportunity to walk many paths with Ghost discussing our thoughts on many common interests with candor and respect. With enormous generosity Ghost has allowed me to share his wisdom and knowledge of his Native American heritage on Journeys of the Spirit. Over time, Ghost gradually revealed his life story in small bits, like scrambled pieces of some gigantic puzzle. Now, after spending more than 40 years in prison, Ghost Dancer is at last free and ready to tell his amazing personal story. As the saying goes, “you can’t make this stuff up” and as his friend and editor I can say this is a story so big that even after working with him for nearly nine years, I continue to be astonished as he shares new details my mind simply could never imagine. From the very first chapter, Ghost leads us on his journey and invites us to walk with him on his Nene Cate (Red Road). From the day he was born, a happy, loving gifted child, he endured heartbreaking sorrows, betrayals and exploitations. Through it all, Ghost fought a system determined to destroy him by any means, as he struggled to remain true to his calling. Through Ghost Dancer I also met and came to know Walks On The Grass, another federal prisoner whose story is also compelling even though very different. In Journeys of the Spirit, Walks has shared his decades-long journey from deep addiction to wholeness in LONG ROAD HOME and shared other bits of his story in ALONG THE WAY. Now as he approaches his August release into this crazy world of 2022 Walks shares his the thoughts and misgivings as he counts down to the big day in LIGHTS IN THE DISTANCE.

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