Boogerized

Along the Way. . .

Experiences, Insights & Humor on the “Long Road Home”

By Steven Maisenbacher

Walks On The Grass

I gotta share a secret with ya. You may not know it but sometimes when you get that “I’m not alone feeling” you’re right. See I know for a fact that Booger sneaks around “visiting” folks as he calls it. And when he does he goes invisible for a couple reasons, the first being not everyone can handle the fact that there is such a thing as a talking dog that can become invisible and walks around upright like we do. Secondly, it allows him to creep up and see what’s going on without being detected and he is a super sneaky little guy.

Like remember that time that you had French fries but all of a sudden you were at the end of em and you coulda sworn there were more in the bag? Well, there were, you were Boogerized! Or remember the time that your drink was almost full but when you went to take another drink it was half empty?  Yeppers, Boogerized again. Dang ole Booger, I’m tellin ya now right here, as I live and breathe, Booger is pretty much a sneak and he is forever getting into my stuff.

Like the time I came in from work, and there he was, got my extra ball cap on, layin up in the bed, all propped up on my pillow and foam wedge, dang chocolate Santa wrappers all over the floor and in the bed, all foil shredded everywhere and strewn around like he had been tearin up and shakin a feather pillow. The danged dog looks up at me and says, “I didn’t do it.”

“C’mon Booger, I see the chocolate smeared all over your fat little furry face!”

“Naw, man, see there was a burglar in here when I came by to see how you were Walks, and I got into a terrible tussle with him, I tell ya Walks, the fur was a flyin and the candy was going everywhere, but the guy smeared this here chocolate on my face tryin to blind me as he was pummeling me and it sorta kinda stayed there and I can’t seem to lick it off cuz my tongue ain’t quite that long, and you know I’m sure, how sometimes when you’re eatin’ and you feel a little something stuck right above your mouth, ya try to get it and can’t … it’s like that.

“And as we was a fighting and carrying on, some of the foils fell into my mouth but I couldn’t get em out so I just had to chew em up a smidge. then it was easier, but then the guy was so much bigger than lil ole me that he over powered me and got away. But I was tired then and thought I better get me a moment of rest afore you got home or I woulda cleaned your cell for ya, cuz that big guy I was a tussling with sure made a heckofa mess. I just hate that he got away Walks, I did manage to chew him up pretty good bein’ that he was so much bigger than me.”

“Dang mangey mutt, I’m gonna tan your furry little fanny! Get your flea-totin, barn yard smellin behind out of my bed right this minute and take off my hat while you’re doing it! C’mon Booger that’s my good hat, silly mutt!”

POOF!!! Booger vanished. “Damnit Booger! You come back here right this minute, clean up this mess!”

But he was gone and I knew how fast he was. I was positive he had shot out the cell, across the day room and on out the door, but I also knew if he happened to see an officer on the way, that since he was Booger and already invisible that cop was gonna have a wet shoe. Sure enough, here comes the cop looking down… wondering what he spilled on his shoe. smile. Boogerized.

Now, I know these tales ain’t the longest in the world, but that’s just the lay of em. See Booger ain’t the kinda guy to hang out in any one place for a very long time, seems like he might be a little on the hyper side, unless of course he is hanging out in the tube with his (seemingly enough) main squeeze, “Candy” the prison cat.  Yea, ole Booger ain’t too discerning when it comes to the ladies he will run around with. See Candy has had a rough life, pretty much spent in prison, having kittens that always seem to get spirited away by the staff around here, and she lives in a drainage pipe that runs under a sidewalks here on the compound.

She’s one of those ole scruffy brown and black stripped felines, with a poked out eye that she lost in a cat fight, and a serious kink in her tail. But hey, guys like Booger seem to think she’s the cat’s meow. Yeah, I know, bad pun. Anyway, I have seen Booger peeking his head out of her lair on more than one occasion when I am crossing the compound, usually when I’m heading to work of a morning, grumbling about how I hate my job. He will stick his head out and go, “Hey ya big dumb human, ha ha, you gotta go to work and I’m gonna hang out doin’ just what I please…” ha ha… the little so & so…

Anyway, I can tell you all sorts of stories about Booger and me and his antics if ya wanna hear em. they ain’t all long and they ain’t all short, kinda like Booger’s tail, but they are all exactly as I see em in my mixed up crazy mind… Boogerized.

© Steven “Walks On The Grass” Maisenbacher, 2021

Published by Edna Peirce Dixon

I am an elder in my 9th decade. I have lived an ordinary life, I’ve done all the ordinary and expected things, went to school, got married, raised a family, tried to be a good person. Throughout this life I have also been a seeker, an outsider by nature, always looking through cracks in the fences of life, questioning, challenging, learning, trying to make sense of the world and its conventions. Then in my golden years, as I sought to find meaning in my existence, some unexpected things happened and I’ve since learned it took a lifetime to prepare me for the challenge to come. My journey – indeed my calling - led me to come to know a remarkable man who happened to be an inmate in federal prison. Nothing could have been more foreign to my personal experience. GHOST DANCER Communicating daily for nearly nine years I had the opportunity to walk many paths with Ghost discussing our thoughts on many common interests with candor and respect. With enormous generosity Ghost has allowed me to share his wisdom and knowledge of his Native American heritage on Journeys of the Spirit. Over time, Ghost gradually revealed his life story in small bits, like scrambled pieces of some gigantic puzzle. Now, after spending more than 40 years in prison, Ghost Dancer is at last free and ready to tell his amazing personal story. As the saying goes, “you can’t make this stuff up” and as his friend and editor I can say this is a story so big that even after working with him for nearly nine years, I continue to be astonished as he shares new details my mind simply could never imagine. From the very first chapter, Ghost leads us on his journey and invites us to walk with him on his Nene Cate (Red Road). From the day he was born, a happy, loving gifted child, he endured heartbreaking sorrows, betrayals and exploitations. Through it all, Ghost fought a system determined to destroy him by any means, as he struggled to remain true to his calling. Through Ghost Dancer I also met and came to know Walks On The Grass, another federal prisoner whose story is also compelling even though very different. In Journeys of the Spirit, Walks has shared his decades-long journey from deep addiction to wholeness in LONG ROAD HOME and shared other bits of his story in ALONG THE WAY. Now as he approaches his August release into this crazy world of 2022 Walks shares his the thoughts and misgivings as he counts down to the big day in LIGHTS IN THE DISTANCE.

2 thoughts on “Boogerized

  1. Actually, I have seen the ghost of a dog. I was closing a garage door and fog the shape of a dog triggered the emergency infrared light that causes the door to rise up again. So it couldn’t have possibly been my imagination.

    Liked by 1 person

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