Blindsided – It took me a minute to get used to them calling me the elder. I understood the implied respect and honor that it conferred, but more than that, it made me feel like I had reason and purpose, and that the Creator had finally started to use me as a tool to carry the ways on to the next generation; to help other men find a path to the life-changing religious beliefs, practices and behaviors that had given my life meaning.
2005 Vice Magazine Interview – From Chapter 2: While and during all these skirmishes, somehow word got out that I was battling the federal prison administration. I was asked by a reporter for Vice magazine if I would consider doing an interview over this “struggle” and my fights as a federal prisoner in securing Native American rights while incarcerated. I did this interview in 2005.
Now the lost has been found – Transcribed from the 2005 Vice Magazine interview written by Seth Ferranti that was published online under “Native Issues.”
Things I Regret – When I think of the man I was most of my life I cringe, and more than anything I feel ashamed. I did all the cruddy things in my life with no one to blame but myself. I’ve accepted this and processed it and grown so very much these last 20 years, but at what cost? All the people I harmed or hurt thru my crimes and my drug use and my not caring about anyone but myself. Like I said in the beginning, I was born broken.
Depression, Music & Brotherhood – There are many things that can bring you sickness and illness. Some of them we never even think about until it’s too late… During this time, I wrote some really poignant music and lyrics. The ordeal let me tap into a part of my mind that I never knew I could write from. I was amazed at the depth and clarity in which songs could pinpoint my feelings and put them out there in written form.
TALKING DONKEY – I gave Jimmy the name “Donkey,” used to tell him he was the only talking donkey in North America. He was just an old white man who had no business in my world of prisons and politics and gangs and such. He used to come with me out to the lodge and sit at the picnic table while we had our sweats. Jimmy was a good man.
Still There is Music in My Head… After the ceremony I cut off all my hair to be burned in the fire of the next sweat lodge that weekend. Had it not been for the brothers, the sweat lodge, the sacred area and the ability to spend so much time in prayer and contemplation I don’t know if I would have made it thru that time of sorrow and loss. I miss my mom every day and can still hear her talking to me in my head at times.
By Stephen “Walks On The Grass” Maisenbacher Chapter 1 Broken I was born broken. Simple fact of the matter is my biological mother was a cocaine addict throughout her pregnancy and having this be the fact, she gave birth to a baby addicted to cocaine. She was so concerned for her “baby” she gave meContinue reading “LONG ROAD HOME”